


Do You Wanna Build a Snowman?

by a1_kitkat



Category: Westlife
Genre: Anal Fingering, Boyband, Boys Kissing, Closure, Current Events, Disney References, Domestic Bliss, Dysfunctional Relationships, F/M, Family, Frozen (2013) References, Fucking, M/M, Making Love, Masturbation, Moving On, Not Beta Read, Nude Photos, Past Relationship(s), Post-Break Up, Sexting, Texting, Unresolved, Vibrators, re-connecting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-03-11 21:44:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13533150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a1_kitkat/pseuds/a1_kitkat
Summary: It's been two years since Westlife broke up but even longer since Shane ended his relationship with Nicky but when Frozen is released on DVD, their kids go crazy for it and watch the movie to the point of getting on Shane's nerves. In a desperate bid to find his sanity, Shane contacts Nicky in the hopes his former band mate is suffering from overexposure to the film too but being in contact with his former lover and band mate stirs up long forgotten feelings on both their parts.Disney always had a way of bringing families together, no one expects it to tear them apart.





	Do You Wanna Build a Snowman?

**Author's Note:**

> So I started writing this back in 2015 when Frozen was still all the rage so it's probably a bit outdated already but I'm a very slow writer.
> 
> It's also 1am so all mistakes are from lack of sleep and not having someone beta my work
> 
>  
> 
> SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!NotSPOILERS!!aSPOILERS!!happySPOILERS!!endingSPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!

Nicky was sat on the floor of the living room in front of the large fireplace watching the flames crackle behind the grate. He pulled the blanket off the couch behind him and carefully draped it across his shoulders. He heard his phone beep and looked towards the coffee table, reaching out to snatch it up. 

“Dad?”

The blonde looked up as his twin sons bounded into the room and leapt on top of him. Both boys were giggling as they tackled their father. Nicky laughed to himself and put his phone aside.

“What are you boys up to?” Nicky asked his sons.  
“Play with us!” Rocco pleaded.  
“Yeah, please dad?” Jay added. Nicky laughed and climbed to his feet.  
“Okay, just for a little while until supper” he followed his children from the room.

*

The blonde could still hear the boys giggling as he made his way to the kitchen to prepare something to eat. He stopped in the living room to collect his phone and reply to his wife’s text. Georgina had taken their daughter Gia to visit her parents. He moved about the kitchen, turned the radio on and sang to himself as he cooked.

His phone began to ring so he set the pot aside and picked it up. The name flashed upon the screen and brought a smile to his face and a flutter to his heart. He pressed a button and raised the phone to his ear.

“I think I’m going to lose it” Shane’s voice brought a wider smile to Nicky’s lips.  
“Lose what?” Nicky replied.  
“It!”  
“It what?”  
“My sanity”

Nicky laughed.  
“Your sanity?” he asked.  
“All three of them, Nix” Shane explained. “They’re constantly watching it!”  
“Watching what?”  
“That cartoon with the snowman and the Letting it Go song”

Nicky laughed yet again.  
“Frozen?” he asked.  
“Yeah, that one” Shane replied.  
“Oh come on, Shay, its cute… with the snowman and the reindeer”  
“It was cute the first time, not so much the fifth time or the twentieth”

“Does Nicole walk around the house pretending she has powers?” Nicky wanted to know.  
“She keeps singing the songs over and over again”  
“Sounds cute”  
“She watches it every day… Patrick and Shane love it too”  
“Rocco & Jay watch it a lot too… I know G got sick of it very quickly”  
“Nicole’s watching it right now”  
“Oh? Which part is it up to?”  
“I don’t know”  
“Well… Go check”  
“Don’t make me go back in there!”

Nicky smiled to himself. It had been some time since he’d last spoken to Shane but he found it touching that Shane had called him during his time of need perhaps it was because Nicky had kids old enough to be obsessed with the film too.

“Oh Shay” Nicky was still smiling. “Come on, you must have a favourite scene?”  
“I like the trolls” Shane admitted.  
“Their song is so random”  
“Oh as opposed to the opening song about cutting ice?”  
“Hey I like that song!”  
“Of course you do”  
“Little Sven and Kristoff are cute”

There was a muffled noise in the background then Shane spoke again.  
“Sorry Nicky, Nicole needs me, I have to go”  
“Uh sure… It was nice, talking to you a… about Disney cartoons”  
“Yeah, it was… Bye Nicky”  
“Bye Shane”

The blonde looked down at the phone in his hand and sighed. It had been almost two years since the four of them had called it a day as Westlife and gone their separate ways. Sometimes it felt like just yesterday yet other times it felt like a lifetime ago. Hearing Shane’s voice stirred up so many memories for the blonde, not all of them good. They’d spent so many years living in each other’s pockets and now they could go weeks on end without so much as a text.  
He finished making dinner then went upstairs. Rocco and Jay were still playing in their bedroom. Nicky paused in the doorway, just watching them together. Whenever he felt nostalgic for his boyband days, he could look at his children and not once regret giving it up and being able to spend more time with his family.

“Food’s getting cold” Nicky told his sons.  
Both boys instantly dropped their toys on the floor and raced towards the door.  
“Hey!” Nicky scolded them. “Put your toys away first or no dessert”  
Rocco and Jay pouted, a perfect imitation of their father’s pout, and begrudgingly tossed their toys back into the toy bin. Nicky remained by the door until they were finished then he followed them downstairs.

“When’s mummy and Gia coming home?” Jay asked.  
“Late” Nicky replied. “They went to see your grandpa”  
“Why couldn’t we go too?”  
“Next time, Jay”  
“Can we watch a movie before bedtime?” Rocco asked.  
“As long as it finishes before your mother gets home”  
“Yes!” both boys cheered with delight.  
“Have you got a particular movie in mind?” Nicky asked them.  
“We were hoping you’d pick” Rocco replied.  
The blonde simply smiled to himself.

*

Both Rocco and Jay were thrilled with their father’s decision to watch ‘Frozen’. They loved the movie and always sang along to every song. Nicky himself had only seen the film in its entirety twice and that included taking the boys to see it in the cinema. He sat down in his favourite chair with a beer in his hand and his phone in the other as the Disney logo appeared on the screen.

‘You’ll never guess what I’m watching’ he typed and pressed send.  
‘You poor thing!’ came Shane’s reply. Nicky smiled and took a mouthful of beer. ‘Nicole wanted to watch it again but I said no’  
‘Meanie’  
‘I can’t sit through it again… Not more than once in a day’  
‘Little Kristoff & Sven are sharing a carrot’  
‘Are you going to commentate the entire movie or watch it?’  
‘You don’t like my commentary?’

“Dad! You’re not watching it!” Jay cried. Nicky looked up and smiled apologetically at his son.  
“Sorry” he tucked his phone into his pocket.  
“Were you texting mummy?”  
“No”  
“Who then?”  
“Your uncle Adam” he wasn’t sure why he was lying to two seven year olds. “I’ll stop, okay?”

He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and was itching to pull it out but he forced himself to ignore it.  
Ten minutes later he carefully reached into his pocket and sneaked a peek at the screen.

He read Shane’s message three times.  
‘I prefer hearing your voice, not reading it’  
‘Shit, I meant, no not for that movie… anything but that movie!’  
‘Does Anna have superhero strength?’ Nicky chose to ignore Shane’s message. ‘She just threw a stone bust across the room’  
‘She’s been cooped up alone in a castle all her life, maybe she started lifting weights?’  
Nicky stifled a giggle and put the phone down. He didn’t want the boys to catch him again.

He became rather engrossed in the movie so some time passed before he checked the phone again.  
‘Mmmmmm… Chocolate!’  
‘Like a chicken with the face of a monkey, I fly’  
‘You-who… Big Summer Blow Out’

Nicky snorted but quickly covered it up with a cough. Neither of his boys turned around, both too absorbed in the movie.  
‘It’s so cute, it’s like a little baby unicorn’ Nicky typed.  
‘Yeah, why?’ Shane typed back.  
‘You’ve seen this movie way too many times’  
‘You’re telling me’

He finished his beer as his finger hovered over the keypad.  
‘That’s one messed up snowman’ Nicky typed.  
‘Nicole loves Olaf’  
‘The boys are singing his song’  
‘It was a cute song, the first time I heard it’ Nicky smiled to himself.  
‘Gillian wants me to put Nicole to bed. Night Nicky’  
‘Night Shay’

Nicky put the phone aside and turned back to the movie. He could understand why so many people had been won over by the film. Disney had done a great job with this one. The boys were giggling hysterically as the giant snowman chased the characters on screen then again as Olaf declared he couldn’t feel his legs. Even Nicky laughed at the scene.  
‘I don’t have a skull… Or bones’ he hastily typed but Shane had obviously put his phone aside for no reply came.  
The blonde focused once more on the movie, smiling when the trolls turned up and sang about Kristoff being a ‘fixer-upper’. It didn’t surprise him that Shane liked that song.  
He tried to leave his phone untouched but he picked it up again and sent one more text.  
‘Love is putting someone else’s needs before yours’

‘Damn you, Disney’ Shane typed back.  
‘Important life lesson right there’ Nicky replied.

He watched the rest of the movie, cheering with his boys as Anna punched Hans, and before he knew it the movie was over. The blonde sneaked a peek at his phone but there were no new messages. He turned the DVD and TV off then hurried the boys upstairs to get ready for bed.  
The boys were asleep when Georgina got home. She quietly put Gia in her crib before heading into the master bedroom where her husband was sitting up in bed, staring at his phone.

“Did you have a good night?” she asked him.  
“Uh huh. You?” he replied.  
“Dad sends his best. What did you boys get up to?”  
“Just dinner and a DVD”  
“Oh? What did you watch?”  
“Frozen”  
“Again? Aren’t the boys sick of it yet?”

Nicky shrugged his shoulders.  
“I don’t know” he admitted. “I didn’t think it was so bad”  
“Try watching it another fifty times, then I’m sure you’ll change your mind”  
The blonde smiled and looked down at his phone, re-reading his texts one last time before going to sleep.  
‘I’m Olaf and I like warm hugs’ Nicky pressed send before he could change his mind.

*

He awoke around 2am when his phone buzzed in his ear, having forgotten to turn the vibrate option off. He groped about for it and pressed a button, hoping the sound and light wouldn’t wake his wife.

‘I miss your warm hugs’ 

Nicky didn’t know what to type back. He turned the phone off and placed it back beside the bed then he lay down and closed his eyes. His heart was beating a mile a minute. Try as he might, Nicky didn’t manage to fall back to sleep. The words from Shane’s text now burned into his brain.

*

Nicky tried not to think about Shane's late night text but it weighed heavily on his mind despite his attempts to not let it get to him. Several times he picked up his phone to compose a text but quickly stopped himself. He wasn't sure if Shane had been expecting a reply; was his silence affecting Shane as much as the actual text was getting to him?

Two weeks passed. Then one afternoon Nicky came home from the station and found Rocco and Jay arguing in front of the TV. He stepped into the room, wondering if he would be required to intervene. The boys spotted him and instantly stopped yelling at each other.

"Daddy's home!" Nicky announced himself. Neither of them got up which caused him to shake his head in disbelief. When had greeting ones father after coming home from work suddenly become so uncool?  
Finally Rocco got to his feet and approached him. He was holding two DVD cases in his hand.  
"Daddy, we can't decide what to watch" he held the DVDs up. "Can you choose for us?"

Nicky took the cases from his son and glanced at them. One was Frozen. He felt a slight hitch in his heart as he thought of Shane. The other was a cartoon he hadn't seen before. A part of him wanted to pull rank but instead he put both cases behind his back and pretended to swap them several times so the boys wouldn't know what movie was in each hand.

"Left or Right?" He asked them.  
"Right!" Both boys shrieked.

Nicky pulled his right hand forward and handed Frozen to Rocco. The boy cheered happily. Jay pouted with disappointment.  
"You can watch the other one later" Nicky assured him.  
"Will you watch Frozen with us? Please?"  
The blonde stared at his sons.  
"Start without me, I'm going to find your mother and sister"  
The boys hurried off to the TV while Nicky went in search of his wife. 

After the usual welcome home kiss and mandatory cuddle with his daughter, Nicky returned to the Living room and plonked himself down on the couch. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. Then he turned around so the TV was behind him and snapped a selfie.  
Attaching a message to the photo, he sent both to Shane then double checked his phone was set to silent.

It was some time before he saw the screen light up with a message. He snatched it up and opened the message to find a photo of an open door with the caption 'Love'  
Nicky grinned to himself, surprised that Shane could be that witty, as the song was currently being sung by Anna & Hans. He took another photo of the TV, to show that was exactly where he was up to and quickly sent it back. Every few minutes he found himself checking his phone, eagerly awaiting a reply.

An image appeared on the screen and Nicky grinned as he opened the message. Shane was staring at the camera, holding a plush Olaf toy in his hand. His mouth was open and about to close over Olaf’s carrot nose. The blonde was almost offended. He recognized the Olaf as the one he and Gina had given Nicole for her birthday. He held his phone up and took a photo of himself looking stern.

‘You better not be going to eat his nose’ he sent along with the photo.  
‘Why not? It’s a carrot!’ Shane replied.  
‘It’s so cute, it’s like a little baby unicorn’ Nicky typed.  
‘Funny it’s not a unicorn that comes to my mind’  
‘Oh? What exactly does come to your mind then?’

It took a while for Shane to respond.  
When Nicky opened Shane’s reply, he saw a photo of himself and one simple word. ‘You’  
The blonde’s heart skipped a beat. His finger hovered over the keyboard as he tried to decide how to respond to that; he ended up writing the first thing that came to mind.

‘How do I remind you of a snowman?’ Nicky needed to know.  
‘His nose’ Shane replied.  
‘My nose doesn’t look anything like that!’  
‘No, not your nose’  
‘Then what…?’  
‘Your cock’

Nicky accidently dropped his phone as it slipped from his numb fingers. The blonde’s jaw dropped and he groped about on the floor for his phone. He picked it up and read the message again.  
‘Are you saying my cock is orange?’ Nicky asked.  
‘No!’ Shane included a smiling face.  
‘Then what the fuck?’  
‘It’s long and fat and slightly crooked’  
‘My cock is NOT crooked!’

The blonde climbed to his feet, marched into the bathroom and locked the door. He dropped his pants and positioned the camera just right then snapped a photo and opened his messages. The nerve of Shane!  
Nicky couldn’t believe Shane would suggest his cock was crooked. He was fuming as he tried to send his proof that his finger slipped and he didn’t even notice until he pressed send.  
The second the photo was delivered he realized his mistake.

“Oh shit!” Nicky cursed himself.  
His hand was still shaking as he opened his message conversation with Shane. He attached the photo and typed another message.  
‘My cock is not crooked! Here’s fucking proof! And because of your insult I just sent this same photo to the wrong fucking number!’  
‘No fucking way! Who did you send it to?’ Shane wrote back.  
‘Mark’  
‘Mark?’  
‘Mark! I was texting him before I left the studio today’  
‘Hahahahahahaha!’

 

Nicky narrowed his eyes as second message came through.  
‘Hahahahahahahah!’  
‘How am I going to explain this?’  
‘Maybe he won’t see it?’

A message appeared on his screen and Nicky was almost afraid to open and read it.  
‘Thanks for that Nicky’ he read Mark’s reply. ‘I’m going to frame it and hang it on my wall!’  
‘Fuck you!’ Nicky typed back.  
‘It’s a compliment that you’re so well hung’  
‘Mark!’

‘Shit, now Mark is taking the mick out of me for that photo’ Nicky sent to Shane.  
‘Uh, you just texted me, Mark, again Nicky’ Mark replied.

“Fuck!” Nicky kicked the door in frustration.

‘Nicky? Are you okay?’ Shane texted him.  
‘Mark is enjoying my dick pic too much’ Nicky replied.

‘Don’t tell me Gina’s gone away for the weekend?’ Mark texted Nicky.  
‘No, she’s in the next room’ Nicky replied.  
‘So do what a normal person does and just go show her the real thing’  
‘I was trying to be funny’  
‘Oh it was! Trust me!’  
‘Fuck off!’

‘Okay, here’ Mark sent a text with a photo attachment. Nicky was hesitant to open it but he did and his screen was instantly filled with a photo of a pair of naked legs leading up to a very impressive erect cock. Nicky recognized the rug on the floor as the one in Mark’s bedroom.

‘It’s only fair, tit for tat’ Mark replied.  
‘But I didn’t want to see that’ Nicky shot back.  
‘And you think I wanted to see yours?’  
‘You’ve been wanting to see it since 1998!’  
‘And I saw it in 1998… And 1999… And 2000…’  
‘See? You couldn’t get enough of it!’  
‘I’m going to quit this conversation while I’m ahead’  
‘Mark!’  
‘Besides I have a photo to print and a frame to buy’  
‘Mark!’

But no more texts came through from the younger lad. Nicky checked his other message thread and was surprised to see no new messages from Shane either. He was about to type something when there was a knock at the bathroom door. The blonde unlocked the door and found Jay staring up at him.

“Jay?” Nicky stared down at his son.  
“Are you okay, daddy?” Jay asked him. “You were gone a long time”  
“Daddy’s got an upset tummy”  
“Oh”  
Jay stepped forward and hugged his father. Nicky smiled and wrapped his arms around his son.  
“Come watch the rest of the movie”  
Nicky slipped his phone into his pocket, followed his son back to the living room and settled himself on the floor with his boys. He didn’t touch his phone again for the remainder of the film.

*

Mark was still chuckling to himself when his phone went off again. He picked it up and saw he’d received another text. 

‘So I just got the weirdest text from Nicky’ Shane’s text made Mark laugh.  
‘Did he send you a dick pic too?’ Mark wanted to know.  
‘A what?’  
‘A dick pic… Nicky sent me a photo of his dick’  
‘Why?’  
‘Accident… I think’  
‘How do you accidentally send a dick pic?’  
‘Think he meant to send it to G’  
‘I should hope so’  
‘It’s okay, I sent one back’  
‘You sent what back?’  
‘A dick pic’  
‘You sent Nicky a photo of yours?’  
‘Of course not!’  
‘Then whose dick was it?’  
‘Kevin’  
‘You still have naked photos of your ex?’  
‘Sure don’t you?’

Mark didn’t receive a reply for several minutes.  
‘I’m sorry, I forgot you don’t have any exes’ Mark typed.  
‘Gillian is the only woman for me’ Shane replied.  
‘Yeah, the only woman’  
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’  
‘Nothing, just playing with ya’

When Shane didn’t respond, Mark decided to lighten the mood.  
‘You want me to forward you the photo?’ he texted.  
‘Nicky’s or Kevin’s?’  
‘I’ll send one and you have to guess which’  
‘Why exactly would I want to see either of them anyway?’  
‘Yeah, I guess you wouldn’t, would you?’

‘Has Nicky been sending you stuff like that a lot?’ Shane asked.  
‘No, he’s not sent me his dick before’ Mark joked.  
‘Mark!’  
‘Honestly he rarely texts me these days that’s why I was surprised by the photo’  
‘THAT’s why you were surprised?’  
‘Well, he told you about him and G, right?’  
‘Of course’ Shane lied.  
‘I was happy he was sending her photos like that, looks like they’re starting to work things out’  
‘Yeah, good point’  
‘I was quite shocked when he told me about Gia’  
‘Yeah… Me too’  
‘I mean, having Lily didn’t save Bryan and Kerry’s marriage’

‘Shane?’  
‘Shane?’  
‘Shit, did I say something I shouldn’t have?’

‘No, sorry my phone died and I had to find the charger’ Shane finally texted back.  
‘Oh right’  
‘Gillian needs me to pick up Nicole so I’ll talk to you later’  
‘Okay, bye Shane’

*

Nicky was very quiet for the rest of the afternoon and into the evening. He didn’t get any more texts from Mark or Shane and he wasn’t sure what to do about that. Should he send another message to Shane? The brunette hadn’t said anything in response to the photo he’d sent.

‘Shit’ he scolded himself. ‘What the fuck was I thinking sending him that?’  
He should have known better than to react the way he had. Shane had challenged him and he’d taken the bait. Of course Shane hadn’t asked for a photo that had been all Nicky’s doing.  
What had possessed him to do such a thing? He knew the answer, Shane. He’d always had a weak spot for the brunette, long before they’d started sleeping together and even now, years after they’d stopped.  
But Shane’s flirty texts were stirring up feelings Nicky had buried long ago… Or had he? 

Nicky had been through a rough patch during the weeks after the band went their separate ways. He’d been happy at the prospect of spending time at home with his family but something had been off. He and Georgina had drifted apart in recent years and he’d truly believed the end of the band would be the promise of better times with his wife but they’d not yet reached that stage.  
Sure they still shared a bed and three beautiful children but the intimacy had all but vanished. Nicky couldn’t remember the last time he’d taken his wife out. Of course the birth of their daughter had played a part in this. Georgina hadn’t exactly been tearing his clothes off and demanding sex while she was pregnant but Gia was nearly ten months old now and Nicky could count the times they’d had sex since her birth on one hand.

He hadn’t realized how much he missed it until Shane had started stirring these feelings up again. The brunette had always known which buttons to press, how to goad Nicky into doing exactly what he wanted him to; Nicky pursed his lips. He was certain Shane had played him to get him to send that photo; Shane was a master manipulator when it came to Nicky.

And the blonde had fallen for it!  
He picked up the phone and searched out the photo then he quickly hit delete since he didn’t need a photo of himself on his phone and the last thing he needed was someone else to find it on there... Someone like Gina; He wasn’t sure how he’d explain it to her.  
His heart skipped a beat.  
What if Gillian found it on Shane’s phone? What would Shane say to her? How would he explain it to her? Would he shift all the blame onto Nicky? Would Shane stop texting him altogether?

And then there was Mark… How had he managed to send a photo of his cock to Mark? Though of all the people in his phone book Mark was probably the best person to accidently text… He was just lucky Mark hadn’t questioned him too closely. The brunette had believed the photo was meant for Gina. At least he knew Mark wasn’t likely to text his wife and check up on him.

Nicky told himself this should be his wake up call. Texting Shane was too risky. He couldn’t let himself fall back into his old ways. Shane was happily married, he’d never come back to Nicky… That ship had long sailed. Hadn’t it?

He scrolled through the texts on his phone and found the photo Shane had sent him of himself hugging Nicole’s plush Olaf. The blonde sighed to himself. If he closed his eyes, he could pretend it was years ago and Shane was still his.

“Daddy?” his son’s voice brought him from his stupor. “Are you still feeling funny?”  
“A little” Nicky told him. “Come here”  
Jay sat on the couch next to his father and Nicky pulled him into a hug.  
“Does this help?” Jay asked him.  
“Yeah, it does” Nicky smiled as he held his son in his arms.

*

More than a week passed without any more texts from Shane. Nicky had started to fear that maybe Gillian *had* found the photo on Shane’s phone and confiscated it.  
Thursday afternoon he was sitting in the studio, having just finished the days show, Jenny was still scrolling through posts on twitter. The blonde still had half a cup of tea in front of him when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket so he put the mug down and reached for the phone.  
One new message; he opened the text and read it to himself.  
'The cold never bothered me anyway'

Nicky held back a snort and began to type a response.  
'Bullshit! The cold ALWAYS bothered you'  
'Not true'  
'You can't win this one. You always whinged about being cold'  
'Did not'  
'Did too'  
'I specifically remember you yelling at me for leaving the window open and letting the cold air in'  
'You were sleeping naked. I was concerned you'd catch a cold'  
'Yet you never once told me to put clothes on'  
'What would be the fun in that?'

Nicky couldn't help smiling at the memory.  
'Do you even remember where we were then?' Nicky asked him  
'Germany? Austria? Sweden?'  
'You're just guessing!'  
'I just remember being closer to the open window than you'  
'I remember the way you woke me in the morning :)'  
'Well you were already UP'

The blonde shifted in his seat, his cock stirring at the thought. Sometimes he really missed those lazy mornings in their hotel rooms... In countries where it was snowing outside and he could stay curled up in Shane's warm arms until they ran the risk of getting caught.  
Looking back, Nicky was shocked to think they'd gotten away with it for as long as they had... Until Shane had chosen Gillian over him.

"Hey, y'alright?" Jenny asked him.  
Nicky looked up at her and nodded his head though his mood had drastically shifted. Shane had always had that effect on him; he didn't think Shane did it intentionally, probably wasn't even aware that he was doing it...  
"Good show today, huh?" Nicky tried to divert her attention.  
"Aren't they all?" She joked. 

"Did you get some bad news?" She asked.  
"What?"  
"You seemed real happy then-"  
"No, it was nothing. I'll see you tomorrow"

Nicky pulled his jacket on, put his phone in his pocket then carried his now cold tea into the kitchen, poured the contents down the sink, rinsed the mug then headed for his car. Once there, he sat in the driver's seat and pulled his phone back out. He scrolled through all the messages he and Shane had exchanged over the past few weeks, knowing he should delete them but unable to bring himself to press the button.

'Do you wanna build a snowman?' Nicky typed. He turned the radio on while he waited for Shane's reply.  
An old song was playing. He remembered snogging Shane during this song, years ago... A lifetime ago really; before either of them were married or had kids. When they had been young and carefree and so smitten with each other...  
There were many random songs he and Shane had locked lips to. It had quickly become a running joke. Whenever they shared a dressing room or hotel room, they'd have the radio on to drown out the sounds of their passion. They tended to get very vocal sometimes during sex but had managed to convince their band mates they merely liked scoping out their competition.  
Nicky remembered one particular time when Shane had spent the entire duration of 'All Rise' getting the blonde's cock to do just that and he smiled to himself.

The phone vibrated in his hand and he quickly checked it. There was a photo attachment.  
Shane had sent a photo of himself and Nicole’s plush Olaf. It was very similar to the one he’d sent before only this time Olaf was in his lap and his hand was squeezing the carrot nose.  
‘Like this one you mean?’ Shane asked.  
‘It doesn’t have to be a snowman’  
‘Okay bye’

Nicky frowned. Did Shane want him to stop texting? Was now a bad time for him? Was he thinking too much into this? Should he send a reply? Maybe he wasn’t meant to…

‘You-who… Big Summer Blow Out’  
The blonde smiled with relief.  
‘You scared me for a minute there’ Nicky replied.  
‘Sorry :(’  
‘Thought maybe you wanted me to stop texting’  
‘Never’  
‘So I see you’ve kidnapped Nicole’s Olaf again’  
‘I had to’  
‘Oh you HAD to?’  
‘I just can’t stop playing with his nose’  
‘And why is that?’  
‘I love wrapping my fingers around the length’

Nicky licked his lips.  
‘Oh yeah?’ his hand was shaking as he typed.  
‘It’s so long and hard’  
The blonde bit his lip.  
‘Feels so good… I love running my thumb over the tip’  
‘Just the tip?’

The phone in his hand began to vibrate. The image on the screen indicated an incoming video call from Shane. Nicky accepted the call and found himself staring into Shane’s deep brown eyes. He was grinning at his friend while still clutching at the toy Olaf.

“Bad time?” Shane asked him.  
“For you?” Nicky replied. “Never”  
“Where are you?”  
“In my car”  
“Driving?”  
“Nope; where are you?”  
“In my study, I just got an advance copy of my book” Shane held it up for Nicky to see.  
“Oh… yeah?”  
“Yeah” Shane chuckled. “So much still left unsaid”  
“So you don’t talk about me at all then?”  
“I talk about you a lot”  
“You do?”  
“Well you were in the band”

Nicky pouted which caused Shane to smile. The brunette put the book down and picked up Olaf, holding the toy for his friend to see. Nicky watched as Shane wrapped his fingers around Olaf’s carrot nose and started stroking the length.

“What are you doing?” Nicky asked him.  
“Something I haven’t done in a long time” Shane replied as he stared at Nicky. He lowered his voice to a whisper. “Getting you off”  
Nicky swallowed hard. It had been a long time since he’d heard Shane talk to him in that tone.  
“I-” Nicky began but Shane cut him off.  
“Shhhh… don’t talk, just do what I say”  
The blonde nodded his head in understanding.

“Now close your eyes” Shane murmured.  
“But then I can’t see you” Nicky whispered.  
“But I can still see you”  
“Shay” Nicky hesitated. “I’m in my car”  
“Can anyone see you?” Shane asked.  
“No”  
“Then close your eyes and listen to my voice”

Nicky licked his lips in nervous anticipation and closed his eyes.  
“I want you to think back to the first time you climbed into my bunk on the tour bus” Shane whispered. “It was dark and the road was bumpy and we were terrified the others would hear us”  
The blonde swallowed and nodded his head.  
“Our bodies were pressed together and I told you there wasn’t enough room but you didn’t care”  
“Uh huh”  
“You weren’t wearing a shirt so I started kissing your neck while my fingers… my fingers squeezed your nipple and you moaned, so loud that we thought Kian was going to wake up… And you were so noisy that I had to kiss you to keep you quiet… Then my tongue was in your mouth and my hands… my hands couldn’t stop teasing your nipples”  
Nicky’s breath hitched as he remembered that night so vividly in his mind.

“I miss that” Shane whispered. Nicky turned the volume up a touch on his phone. “When I’d pinch them and you’d make this gaspy little moan, like it was torture, like you were making those sounds just for me”  
Nicky licked his lips again, his throat suddenly felt very dry.  
“Sometimes I think about those sweet noises and wonder if you’d still make them for me” Shane continued. “Touch them for me now… Pretend I’m there, touching you… I want to hear you make those sounds for me again”

The blonde nodded his head and shifted in the seat. He switched hands with the phone, holding it up at a slight angle and he slipped his hand underneath his shirt. His fingers brushed his skin as they moved up his stomach to his chest then he closed his thumb and index finger around the nub and gave a quick squeeze. He gasped and did it again; his pec hardened at his touch and he gave an involuntary groan.

“That’s it” Shane licked his own lips as he watched Nicky’s face, saw the blonde nibble at his bottom lip. “Even better than I remember… Are you still teasing yourself, Nicky? The way I used to… Are you pretending your hand is really mine? That I’m the one touching you right now?”  
“Uh huh”  
“Do you touch yourself often? I know I do… Sometimes just the thought of you touching me is enough to bring me close and I have to touch myself… I think about you and the way your tongue used to drive me crazy”

Nicky swallowed, his heart was beating rapidly at the memory. He could almost feel Shane’s lips on his neck, the way the younger lad used to run his teeth along his skin. Shane’s teeth grazing his nipple used to make his cock twinge. The thought alone was already traveling south and taking root between his legs. The blonde opened his eyes and Shane could see the desperate desire in his deep blue orbs.

“Are you feeling it, Nicky?” Shane asked him. The older boy whimpered and nodded his head.  
“Touch yourself” Shane instructed. “Wanna see you touch yourself”  
Nicky’s hand was trembling as he reached down and placed his hand between his legs, grasping himself through his jeans.  
“Are you hard?”  
“Uh huh” Nicky gasped.  
“Are you hard for me?”  
“Yes”  
“Show me… I want to see your hard cock”

Nicky gave another whimper, tightened his grip on his phone, and struggled one-handed with the buttons on his jeans. He parted the material and tried to shimmy out of them but couldn’t get them past his hips using only one hand. He put the phone against the steering wheel, balancing it precariously and hoping it wouldn’t fall. Then he grasped his pants, raised his hips and slid them down just enough. Nicky squeezed his cock through his underwear and bucked his hips.

“Want to see you” Shane breathed. He sounded as aroused as Nicky felt.  
The blonde lowered his underwear just enough for him to free his hardened tool then he picked up the phone and held it at an angle so Shane could see his face and his cock.  
“It’s perfect” Shane gasped.  
“See? Not crooked at all” Nicky joked. Shane chuckled.

“Wish I was there right now” Shane said to him. “I’d take my hand and slowly run my fingers up and down the length before sneaking under and teasing your balls”  
Nicky licked his lips as he reached down and ran his fingers along the hard shaft.  
“I loved having your balls in my mouth” Shane murmured. “Wish I could taste them now”  
The blonde bucked his hips.  
“I’d close my whole fist around you and start pumping, really hard and really fast, just the way you liked it”  
Nicky followed Shane’s lead and grasped himself very hard then he began to work himself vigorously. The phone slipped from his hand and landed in his lap, filling Shane’s screen with a close up of Nicky’s cock. The brunette could see trickles of precum pooling at the head and longed to lap it up. He watched as Nicky’s thumb spread the cum around the head. Shane loved when Nicky did that!

“Wish I could take you in my mouth” Shane groaned.  
Nicky’s breathing hitched as he continued to work his hardness. His other hand slid back under his shirt to tweak his nipple as he bucked his hips, thrusting into his hand and working himself closer to the edge.  
“Oh yeah” Shane urged him on. “That’s it, work your cock, make yourself come”  
“I’m close” Nicky panted. “So close”

Bang!  
Nicky jumped a mile at the sudden noise and looked around. A dark shape was outside the window of his car. The blonde grabbed his jacket and threw it on his lap, hiding his arousal and his phone from sight then he slowly rolled the window down a fraction. The singer had never before appreciated the tinted windows on his car.  
His co-host Jenny was peering in through the now open window.

“Thank god I caught you” Jenny said to him. Nicky could feel his heart beating in his throat, terrified of the position he now found himself. “I didn’t think you’d still be here. Car trouble?”  
“Phone call” Nicky managed to gasp.  
“You left your wallet in the studio”  
Jenny smiled as she slipped his wallet to him through the tiny gap in the window.  
“Uh… Thanks… I didn’t even notice” Nicky said to her.  
“Figured as much” she said, still smiling. “Well, good thing you were still here… Lucky you took a phone call when you did”  
“Uh… yeah… Lucky”  
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Nicky”  
“Bye Jenny… And thanks”

She waved before turning and walking away. Nicky watched until she climbed into her own car before rolling his window back up. He threw his wallet onto the passenger seat, moved his jacket and picked up his phone. Shane was laughing to the point he was wiping tears from his eyes.

“Oh my gosh” Shane said. “That was a close call”  
“Too fucking close” Nicky snapped at him.  
“I’m sorry Nix”  
“No you’re not”  
“I am… Really! I’m truly sorry I didn’t get to see you come”

Nicky’s heart was still racing and his cock was still hard but all thoughts of coming were long gone from his mind. The moment interrupted, the feeling gone, Nicky felt disappointed.

“Another time, maybe” Nicky said to him.  
“You’re not finished here, are you?” Shane asked.  
“Yeah, we’re finished”  
Then Nicky ended the video call without saying goodbye.

*

Nicky spent three days replaying the video call with Shane over and over in his mind. Looking back, he felt guilty for hanging up on the brunette the way he had but he couldn’t bring himself to apologize. It was Shane’s fault he’d almost been caught by Jenny in such a compromising position. No, that wasn’t entirely true. He was equally to blame. He never should have let Shane manipulate him like that yet he’d always fallen for it every time. Shane always knew the right things to say to turn Nicky into his puppet.

The blonde was very distracted, constantly checking his phone in hopes that Shane would text him… Not that he blamed the younger lad for his silence. Nicky felt his phone vibrating and resisted the urge to check it. Once they went to a commercial, Jenny left the desk to get a drink so he reached into his pocket and glanced at the screen. It was a photo message from Mark. Frowning to himself, he was about to open the image when the show’s producer called for his attention. Nicky turned the phone off and slipped it back into his pocket. 

By the time he left the station, he’d completely forgotten about Mark’s text. He managed to get all the way home to his empty house, Gina having taken the three kids out for the afternoon, and was sitting on the couch with a drink when he finally remembered. He pulled his phone out and switched it back on.  
Still nothing from Shane.  
Pushing that disappointing thought aside, Nicky selected the text from Mark and opened it. The image that filled his screen caused him choke on his drink. He coughed and spluttered as he stared in horror at the photo Mark had sent him. His former band mate had followed through on his promise; he was standing in front of a framed photo hanging on the wall behind him, pointing at it over his shoulder and grinning at the camera.  
Nicky was mortified; he couldn’t believe Mark had actually printed and framed the photo Nicky had accidently sent him.

Still coughing and in a state of shock, Nicky’s fingers were trembling as he typed a response.  
‘You so need to get a new boyfriend, Marky’  
He was still staring at the photo, unable to tear his eyes away from Mark’s smug smile, when a reply came through.  
‘I have one, remember? And he’s so much bigger than you’ Mark added a smiley face to the end of the message.  
‘No one’s bigger than me!’  
‘Not true and I have photo proof of your size’

Nicky pouted, feeling angrier than he ought to and unsure why he was reacting the way he was.  
‘If he’s so great why don’t you stop staring at my cock and go stare at his?’  
He felt a little guilty as soon as he’s pressed send; he knew it was mean but he couldn’t stop himself.  
‘I would’ Mark replied. ‘But I can’t see it right now because I’m sitting on it’  
The blonde’s jaw dropped.  
‘You’re texting me while U R fucking?’ Nicky didn’t know if he should feel jealous or insulted.  
‘I’ve always been good at multitasking’

Nicky threw his phone down, still unsure why the anger inside him kept rising. The phone beeped again so he snatched it up.  
‘Besides, we weren’t fucking when I sent you the photo’ Mark snarkily added. He shook his head in disbelief.  
‘And yet you’re STILL texting me!’ he couldn’t resist sending back. ‘Don’t you know it’s rude to text and sex?’  
‘Nah, it’s fine, he can see the TV over my shoulder… when he’s not biting me anyway’

Nicky’s hand was still shaking as he put the phone back down. He couldn’t shake the image of Mark and his boyfriend from his mind. He could picture them sitting on the couch, much like he was doing right now, both watching TV while fucking. Had they really reached that stage of domesticity in their relationship already?  
That was when he realized the feelings in his chest weren’t that of anger but jealousy. He could still remember a time when he used to climb into Shane’s lap and ride him until they were both spent.

“And look at how that turned out” Nicky said to the empty room.  
He stood up, leaving his phone behind, and made his way back into the kitchen for another drink. With a wine glass in his hand, the blonde slowly moved about his empty house. He found it amusing that he used to dream about days like this… Back when they were still a band, still touring and being on the go. They used to fantasize about days off, where they could laze about and do nothing. Now he was starting to feel antsy. He loved his radio show but he was going to need another hobby to pass the hours while the kids were at school.  
Nicky found himself in the living room. The twins had left some of their toys on the floor so he decided to put them away. He found a plush Olaf and Sven then dropped down onto the couch, holding the toys in his hand. The blonde placed his glass aside then took Olaf in one hand and Sven in the other.

“Looks like its’ just you and me, Sven” Nicky said, trying to imitate Olaf’s voice. He paused once he remembered Sven didn’t talk then he shook his head, laughing at himself for playing with his kids’ toys, and put them aside so he could pick up his drink.

He wondered what Shane was doing and even contemplated calling him but he had no idea what he would say to the brunette until he realized he had the perfect conversation starter. The blonde jumped to his feet and hurried back to the other room to collect his phone.  
There was another text waiting for him. Once he saw it was from Mark, he was almost reluctant to read it but he opened it anyway.  
‘Still going BTW’ Mark wanted him to know.  
‘Fuck you, Mark’ Nicky ended the message with a smiley face.  
‘I am getting fucked, but am happy to go again at your insistence’

Nicky shook his head in disbelief before rolling his eyes. He closed the message exchange with Mark and opened his last message from Shane.  
‘Feels so good. I love running my thumb over the tip’  
‘Just the tip?’  
He bit his lip, remembering how the conversation had quickly escalated. He could hear Shane’s voice in his ear, urging him to touch himself… How close he’d been to coming at Shane’s instructions. He tried not to think about it, a part of him felt slightly grateful Jenny had interrupted when she had. He wasn’t sure how he’d feel right now had he actually come.

‘You wouldn’t believe what Mark just texted me’  
Nicky typed several variations of the same sentence, trying to decide exactly how to phrase what he wanted to say as he wanted to keep it casual. As his fingers moved across the keyboard, he thought of all the times he’d sent Shane seductive or suggestive texts. Shane used to be even worse, he hated sending text messages. Usually the best Nicky got from him was ‘naked, my room, now’ and the blonde would go running.

Looking back, Nicky realized Shane had called all the shots in their relationship and he’d happily let him. Everything that happened between them had happened on Shane’s terms. He’d initiated their first kiss, had guided Nicky through his first hand job and first blowjob. Nicky had always opened his legs for Shane, even when he wasn’t entirely in the mood, all it took was a few minutes of kissing the brunette and Nicky would quickly come around.  
They rarely shared a hotel room though. Once they’d started fucking, Shane became very paranoid that someone would find out about them which Nicky found rather humorous. He’d always argued with Shane that they drew more attention to themselves by sneaking in and out of each other’s rooms at all hours of the night but the younger lad insisted on having a room to himself…  
Which all made sense the first time Gillian turned up unannounced to surprise Shane.

Nicky finished his second glass of wine and went back for a third. It was barely half past three and he had no idea what time Gina would be home with the kids or so he thought. As he stood in the kitchen, pouring wine into his glass, he spotted a note stuck to the refrigerator. Gina was going to collect the twins from school then take all three kids to her parent’s house for dinner. He nodded his head in agreement even though no one could see him.  
It would be hours before they came home and he now had to fend for himself for dinner. The blonde considered his options of what to cook. Ten seconds later he decided to order in.  
In the meantime, he could have another drink… or two.

He returned to the living room, put his feet up on the table and reached for the remote. The TV came on and was on a random music channel which was currently playing a video by One Direction. He grimaced to himself, damn the song was annoying… and catchy. He knew he’d be singing it for the rest of the evening and quickly changed the channel. He flicked aimlessly, hoping to find something to distract him. Even the movie channels didn’t have anything interesting on, until he came across Brokeback Mountain. Just when he thought the TV was mocking him, his phone began to ring.  
He pressed the mute button and picked up the phone. It was his producer calling from the studio. He tried not to feel disappointed that it wasn’t Shane but he still answered the call. The blonde was very distracted while on the phone, especially as he stared at the muted TV. Seeing Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger kissing with such intensity… Yes, they were only acting but it reminded him so much of the passion he’d felt each time his lips came together with Shane’s.

His phone call came to an end and yet he stayed sitting on the couch, staring at the muted television and clutching the phone in his hand. There was still no reply from Shane. He wondered if the younger lad was mad at him for hanging up on him the way he had. Maybe Shane was waiting for an actual apology? If that were the case, he’d have a long wait… Nicky wasn’t going to apologise since it had been Shane’s fault for his compromising position… Hadn’t it? The blonde sighed. Yes, Shane had goaded him into it but he hadn’t had to fall for it. He was equally as to blame but it was just easier to say it was Shane’s fault.  
Just like it was Shane’s fault their relationship had ended.  
Nicky shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. He didn’t want to linger on the past even if it did seem to be repeating on him. He knew he needed to be strong; he couldn’t fall back into old habits. Shane was married, he was married himself… They both had kids, both had lives, had both moved on. Yet Shane was definitely flirting with him and Nicky was flirting back. They were playing a dangerous game. If they didn’t stop, someone was likely to get hurt. 

But Nicky didn’t know if he wanted to stop. He missed Shane so much. The incident in his car had terrified but also excited him. The blonde couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so alive and aroused. Even now he could still hear Shane’s voice in his ear, urging him to touch himself.  
He hastily climbed to his feet, hoping that if he moved around a bit the feelings overcoming him right now would subside but as he walked from room to room, he stopped and stared at the framed pictures on the wall. There were so many photos of his Westlife days, almost as many as there was photos of his kids. But his eyes seemed to focus only on Shane.  
The blonde reached out and placed his hand upon the frame. He could remember the day that particular photo was taken, so vividly in his mind. Shane had gotten into a fight with Gillian not ten minutes later and spent the entire evening quietly seething to himself. He’d knocked on the door to Nicky’s room just before midnight, still angry and Nicky had let him in, believing he’d just come to vent his frustration.  
He licked his lips and shifted his weight from foot to foot. That night had been the first time Shane had gotten rough with him; had even torn the buttons off Nicky’s shirt, had left marks on his skin… and Nicky had never been so turned on.

He moved away from the photo and looked at his phone. Still no reply from Shane but there was another text from Mark. Feeling slightly hesitant, Nicky opened the message and read it.  
‘New personal best, 3 orgasms in 40 minutes’  
His jaw dropped in shock, eyes bulging. The blonde shook his head in disbelief.  
‘How the fuck did you do THAT?’ Nicky genuinely wanted to know.  
‘Between the two of us, Nix’ Mark added.  
‘But still, how is that even possible?’  
‘You’d be surprised how easy it is when you’re with the right person and everything’s just… right’

Nicky narrowed his eyes. Of course he knew what it was like being with the right person. He’d had months, years, of the most intense orgasms of his life when he was with Shane. Sure he loved his wife but he never came quite as hard or as intensely as he had from Shane’s touch.

‘So who came more then?’ Nicky asked him.  
‘Don’t be so fucking nosey’ Mark snapped back.  
‘You started it!’  
‘Can I help it that I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time and I just want to sing it from the rooftops?’  
‘Save it for your solo album, Marky’  
‘I do need some more inspiration for the song I’m working on right now’  
‘Better get to it then’  
‘Will do, my inspiration needs me to join him in the shower… Later Nix’

The blonde sighed, the conversation now over, and he realized he had no plans for the rest of the evening. So he headed back to the kitchen. He saw the take out menu’s he’d left on the counter and pushed them aside, no longer in the mood for food. The blonde found his wine glass and topped it up before heading upstairs with his wine and his phone. He wandered aimlessly up and down the hall, unsure what to do with himself as he sipped his drink.  
Nicky made his way into the bedroom and through to the ensuite bathroom. He opened the cupboard and reached up to the topmost shelf. The box he’d been searching for was just where he thought it would be. He pulled it from the shelf then returned to the bedroom, sank down on the bed and opened the box.

*

Shane stared at his phone for a very long time, watching as the minutes ticked by. He’d seen the notification telling him there was a text message from Nicky; his finger hovered over the screen for longer than it should have. He wanted to read it but he also wanted to ignore it. The brunette was still disappointed with how his last conversation with Nicky had gone. The blonde had hung up on him, had told him they were finished.  
He kept wondering what exactly Nicky had meant by that. How could they be finished? Finished with what? As far as he was aware, they hadn’t started anything… Or had they?  
Maybe he shouldn’t have done what he had, shouldn’t have called Nicky and encouraged him to touch himself but he’d been feeling lonely… and a little bit drunk. If he was honest with himself, working on his book had stirred up a lot of old memories and feelings; he’d started having dreams, vivid, arousing dreams that saw him waking up in the early hours of the morning with a raging hard on.

He sighed and relented, swiped the screen and opened Nicky’s text.  
‘You wouldn’t believe what Mark just texted me’  
Shane read the message several times. That was it? That was all he had to say? Not an apology? Not an explanation? Just a comment about Mark? He continued staring at the screen, contemplating what to type as a reply. Since he couldn’t think of anything to say, he closed the message and put the phone aside. 

Twenty minutes passed then he picked up the phone again. If he didn’t answer, Nicky would think he was ignoring him and he didn’t want him to think that. He picked up his beer and took a long swig. His hand was shaking as he held his phone in one hand and his drink in the other.  
Nicky had texted him more than an hour ago. He’d never gone this long without replying.  
The phone vibrated as a new picture message was received. He saw the sender’s name and nervously bit his lip. Shane got to his feet, made his way through the house into the study and closed then locked the door. He was certain it would be a picture of Nicky pouting at him.

Shane sank down into the desk chair and put his drink down then he swiped his finger across the screen. The picture opened and he stared at it in shock. All he could see was Nicky’s hand wrapped around a vibrator; the box underneath advertised three different speeds and guaranteed ultimate pleasure.  
Another text had immediately followed the picture message stating ‘look at that, I’m about to be impaled’

The brunette groaned to himself and checked the time on his phone against the time the message had been sent. Was Nicky fucking himself with that vibrator right now? Or was he still preparing himself? Shane bit his lip, would the older boy finger himself first? All these questions, thoughts, travelled from Shane’s brain straight down to his cock. His hand was still clutching his phone, his other hand immediately reached under the desk to grasp himself through his jeans. Maybe Nicky was just teasing him. It made sense. Shane had sort of done the same thing to the older boy so perhaps this was his friend’s form of payback. Nicky had always been a tease, had always known the quickest and easiest way to get Shane all worked up.  
One of Shane’s favourite past times was watching Nicky finger then fuck himself. The very thought, memory, was enough to make him stir.

Shane unbuttoned his pants and slipped his hand inside to touch himself. He could already visualize his former bandmate and lover, lying on the bed with his legs apart, hips thrusting with the motions, waves of pleasure shooting through his body. The way Nicky would grasp himself, slowly working his cock until he was rock hard then he would smirk at Shane as he rocked his hips and brought himself closer and closer to the edge.  
Shane had videoed it once. Nicky had put his heart and soul into giving the performance of his life and he truly believed the video had been destroyed after they’d watched it back. But no, Shane hadn’t had the heart to record over it and so he’d kept it, stashed away for his own viewing pleasure.  
In recent weeks, said video had gotten quite a play count… More so since their recent video chat.

With his hand still on his own growing hardness, Shane pressed the call button and raised the phone to his ear. He was very surprised when Nicky answered on the second ring.  
“Shay?”  
‘God he sounds so turned on’ Shane thought to himself.  
“Nix?” the brunette whispered. “What… What are you doing?” he stammered through the question.  
“Thinking…” Nicky paused, breathless. “About… You”

Shane swallowed hard. It had been too long since he’d heard that tone in Nicky’s voice.  
“About me?” he whispered.  
“Uh huh” Nicky groaned.  
“What… Exactly… About… Me?” Shane spoke very slowly.  
“When you would watch me do this… The times you’d help me… When you’d touch me… Kiss me… Finish what I started”  
“Nix”  
“Can I just say something crazy?”  
“I love crazy”  
“I wish it was you fucking me right now”

The brunette closed his eyes as he began to stroke himself, his cock stirring, hardening beneath his fingers.  
“Pretend I am firecracker” Shane whispered, using his secret nickname for the blonde. “Just close your eyes and listen to my voice”  
“Uh huh” Nicky groaned. He hadn’t heard Shane call him that in years.  
“Tell me… Do you like that, Nix? Do you like having my cock inside you?” he heard Nicky whimper and he could picture the blonde nodding his head yes. “Are you touching yourself, my little firecracker?”  
“Yes”  
“Does it… Feel good?”  
“So good” Nicky panted. “So good… Sparky” he added Shane’s nickname for good measure.

There was a slight pause. Shane ran his thumb across the tip of his cock, spreading the hints of precum across the head. He heard himself groan down the phone.  
“Are you…?” Nicky gasped. “Are you…?”  
“Yes” Shane panted.  
“Good” Nicky panted.

“Tell me, how good does it feel?” Shane asked.  
“So good” Nicky insisted. “So hard”  
“I can feel your hand on me. Can you feel me touching you?”  
“Yes”  
“You’re teasing my slit, it feels amazing”  
“Wish I was tasting it now”  
“Your thumb is making me tremble. I’m lucky I’m sitting down”  
“Uh huh” Nicky couldn’t speak.  
“Are you sitting down? Or are you on your back?”  
“My back”  
“Of course you are”

Nicky could practically hear the smile in Shane’s voice.  
“Oh God, Shay” Nicky cried. “Too much”  
“Slow down, make it last” Shane coaxed him.  
“Wanna… Come”  
“Are you still touching yourself?”  
“Uh huh”  
“With both hands?”  
“No”  
“Use both, I am”  
“Uh”  
“Work your cock and your balls”

The blonde did as asked and grasped his cock with one hand. His other snaked down his body to caress his balls. He used to love when Shane teased his balls, especially when the brunette licked and sucked them. One particularly memorable romp had seen the blonde coming without Shane even touching his cock, only his balls. He rubbed at the sacs, rolling them with his hand and wishing Shane’s lips were on them but his voice in his ear was all he could have right now.

“Wish you were here” Nicky heard himself sob. He was so close to coming.  
“I miss you” Shane whimpered as he bucked his own hips. “Miss holding you, kissing you, fucking you”  
“Miss you too”  
“Are you close?”  
“When you talk about fucking me, I get closer”  
“Then pretend I’m there, holding you down just the way you like and my cock is slamming into you… And you’re begging me, pleading for me to ride you harder and harder”  
“Please? Please, Shay?”  
“And my hand is working your cock as I pound your pretty ass”  
Nicky whimpered as he bucked his hips and pumped his cock.

He cried out the brunette’s name as his orgasm rocked his entire body.  
It had been so long since Shane had heard his name spoken with such desire. He worked himself furiously as he rode out the blonde’s high over the phone. His own orgasm, while not quite as intense was stifled by his hand but Nicky heard him loud and clear.

“So good” Nicky whispered down the phone. “Missed this, miss you”  
“Me too” Shane replied as he panted for breath.  
“I should go, get cleaned up”  
“Yeah, me too”  
“Bye sparky”  
“Goodbye, Nix, love you”

Shane ended the call before his last words could be acknowledged by Nicky but he’d said them and the blonde had heard him. Neither one of them knew what to make of Shane’s admission nor did either of them text the other to ask.

*

A week passed without any word from Shane. Nicky picked up his phone several times a day to check for messages, even composed several himself but could never quite work up the nerve to press the send button. He found himself in a bit of a daze to the point where even his co-host Jenny asked him what was wrong. Feigning an illness he was able to distract her from asking anymore questions but managed to keep focused for the rest of the day’s show.  
Not for the first time he wished he had someone he could talk to. 

His relationship with Shane had always been hard to define. They’d been best friends for years until one day they became lovers until eventually becoming little more than band mates. The friendship was always there yet in the final months, years even, something was missing… The intimacy they’d once shared now pushed aside and ignored in favour of marriage and kids. Sometimes during a concert or interview, Nicky would find himself staring at Shane, wanting so desperately to push him up against the nearest wall and kiss him until neither of them could breathe… Other times, he just wanted to find a corner to hide away in and cry the pain away. The pain he felt at being so close to Shane yet not being able to touch him, kiss him, tell him he still loved him…

And now they were… Nicky didn’t even know what they were to each other anymore. They were both still married men with families to support. Shane had been through the ringer with his bankruptcy and was just now regaining his footing.  
Yet Shane was the one who’d ended their last conversation with the words ‘love you’  
Perhaps it had been a slip of the tongue or him accidentally falling back into old habits but the words had hit the blonde like a slap in the face. All those nights they’d lay together in each other’s arms, whispering those very words to the other as they held and kissed each other for hours at a time.

As Nicky drove home from the station, he couldn’t help asking himself questions he wished he could ask Shane. He hated keeping this all to himself, he hated not having anyone to talk this over with… Though even if he did, he knew that reasonable person would just tell him he was being crazy and stupid and reckless.  
He had a wife, kids, a dog, a life. Something he wasn’t willing to give up… or was he? He’d be lying to himself if he said he was happy with his life right now. His marriage was slowly falling apart and neither he nor Gina seemed willing to put any effort into saving it. His kids were what kept him going. He had three beautiful children that he knew he couldn’t live without… But why couldn’t he have it all? Why couldn’t he have his kids and Shane?

The blonde sighed to himself as he pulled his car into the garage and turned off the engine. He knew the answer. Because even if he were willing to walk away from this life and straight to Shane, he couldn’t be certain the brunette would be waiting for him with open arms. Shane has a wife and kids himself, something that he would never walk away from… He’d made that very clear to Nicky all those years ago, when he’d pulled the blonde aside and broken his heart.  
Nicky could remember that day so vividly in his mind, the day Shane had walked away from their relationship in favour of marrying his high school girlfriend… Because he’d been afraid of his feelings for Nicky.  
He’d tried to explain it, tried very hard several times to tell Shane that just because he fought his urges, didn’t instantly make him straight but the brunette refused to listen. He’d turned his back and walked away from everything that they’d shared all because he was scared of being gay.

Nicky shook his head to clear his thoughts. He couldn’t linger in the past; stirring up old memories was bad enough without his eyes tearing up. He was almost relieved when he remembered Georgina was going to be out all afternoon. He made his way inside the house and locked the door behind him. Making his way through to the kitchen to pour himself a drink, he stopped and stared at the package on the table. Dropping his keys and wallet on the bench, he moved towards it and picked up the note his wife had scrawled.  
‘This came for you this morning by courier, might be important as it was marked private and confidential - G’  
He frowned as he put the note aside. He couldn’t quite read the tone of her note, was she genuinely being considerate or being nosey by making mention of it being ‘private and confidential’? Not having the faintest idea what he was going to find inside the package, Nicky moved towards the kitchen for that drink.

Several minutes later, he was sitting in his study with a glass of wine on the desk in front of him and the small package clutched in his hand. Curiosity finally got the better of him and he tore the box open. Staring up at him was Shane’s face. He reached in and pulled out a hardback book. Across the cover were the words ‘My Side of Life’ by Shane Filan. It was an advance copy of Shane’s book.  
Underneath in the bottom of the box, was a thick envelope. Nicky put the book down and picked up the envelope. His name was written upon the outside. With trembling hands he tore it open then reached in and pulled out a pile of hand written pages. He recognized Shane’s handwriting at once as he stared at the top most page.

‘Nicky, writing this book really forced me to put a lot of thought into my life and the decisions I made along the way. This is the only copy of the one chapter I couldn’t bring myself to publish, I hope you understand – Shane’

He leaned back in the seat, staring at Shane’s hand written note. He absently found himself running his fingers along the written words. His heart was racing as he put the pages aside and reached for the glass of wine. The blonde took a slow mouthful then carefully put the glass back down. His eyes never once left the small stack of hand written pages. He could hardly make out the tiny print but a part of him felt he’d never be ready to actually read Shane’s words.  
So he turned his attention to the actual printed book and picked it up, flipping through the pages and pausing to look at the selection of pictures Shane had chosen to include. By pure chance he happened to stop on the page with an image of the brunette on his Wedding day.  
This proved too much for Nicky and he was forced to slam the book closed. He squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed the bridge of his nose. The pages were right in front of him, all he had to do was pick them up and… What?  
What exactly had Shane put down on paper that he couldn’t publish? Only one thing came to mind and Nicky couldn’t help wondering what had possessed Shane to even contemplate writing it all down.

He opened his eyes and reached for the loose pages. Shane’s familiar handwriting sent a shiver down his spine. There was something about hand written notes that felt so intimate. Nicky thought of all the times Shane had tried a hand at song writing… He’d always insisted on sharing the handwritten draft with Nicky before showing anybody else. The lyrics to ‘I want to grow old with you’ flashed through his mind, remembering how excited Shane had been when he’d started that song and the passionate kiss Nicky had bestowed upon him after hearing Shane sing it for him for the first time.  
Steeling himself for what was before him; Nicky took a deep breath and very slowly released it. A moment later, he did it again then pulled the pages closer, holding them tightly in his shaking hands. His heart beating furiously in his chest, the blonde began to read.

*

The door burst open and Jay raced across the room to throw his arms around his father. The blonde was taken by surprise but was quick to return his son’s embrace. The excited child couldn’t wait to tell his father about the trip to the zoo but the blonde couldn’t quite work himself up to his son’s level of excitement. He apologized and sent Jay to find his brother.  
Nicky watched as his son ran from the room and he hastily wiped his eyes. He climbed to his feet and made his way to the door, intending to close and lock it. He placed his hand upon the doorknob and pushed the door to but when he looked up, he found Georgina standing in the hall. She took one look at his face and manoeuvred her way into the room. She closed the door then turned and looked at her husband.

“Nicky, honey” she began. “Jay asked why daddy’s upset, did something happen at work?”  
“No” Nicky replied before wiping his eyes.  
“Please, don’t lie to me”  
“I’m not… I swear nothing happened at work today”  
“Then why are you upset? What was in that package that arrived this morning?”

Nicky reached for his wife’s hand and led her across the room towards the desk. He sank down in the chair and stared up at her. For the first time in months she genuinely appeared concerned about him. The blonde reached out with his other hand and picked up Shane’s book, offering it up to her. Gina took the book from him and turned it over to look at the cover.

“Shane’s book?” she asked, confused.  
“Yes” Nicky replied.  
“You can’t have read the entire thing. You’ve only been home a few hours”  
“I didn’t… I mean, I haven’t… I haven’t even started it”  
“Then wh…” she trailed off, deep in thought.  
Nicky stared up at her, a look of fear upon his eyes. He didn’t want to talk to her about this, hadn’t wanted her to find out like this yet he had no one else to turn to. How was he ever going to explain? What was she going to think?  
“I don’t understand” she began very carefully. “Is it something he says or something he… doesn’t say… that’s upset you?”  
“What do you…?” Nicky was afraid to ask. “What are you… Saying?”  
“I’m asking, did he say something that he shouldn’t have or was it him not saying it that’s gotten to you?”

Fear and shock washed over him as he continued to stare at her.  
“I… I don’t” he paused, hesitant. “I don’t know what… what you…”  
His wife reached out and took his hand in hers then she stared into his eyes.  
“You don’t have to hide from me anymore, Nicky” she said to him. “This is the first time I’ve seen tears in your eyes since… Since Croke”  
“Gina”  
“Talk to me, Nicky… Please?”  
“I can’t” he shook his head as he blinked back fresh tears. “I can’t do that to you… You’ve been too good to me for too many years and I… I can’t…”

She leaned over and wrapped her arms around him. Nicky leaned into her embrace.  
“I know how much he hurt you” she whispered very quietly in his ear. He pulled away from her and gazed into her eyes with a look of pure confusion on his face.  
“How could you possibly…?” he asked.  
“Honey, I’ve known for a long time”  
“But how?”

Georgina reached out and took both of Nicky’s hands in hers then she looked into his tear filled eyes.  
“Shane told Gillian about you” she said very softly.  
It felt like being slapped in the face. Nicky felt the sting of her words even though she didn’t mean it to hurt.  
“He did?” Nicky asked her.  
“Yeah, two days before their wedding” she explained. “He said he didn’t want to have any secrets from her… that he wanted her to know the whole truth before committing her life to his”  
“And she… she came straight to you?”  
“Oh no…. No, she didn’t tell me anything not until… Until she found out she was pregnant”  
“I don’t understand”  
“Gillian told me that… The day she told Shane she was pregnant, she heard him crying that night and he said your name a lot… She was scared that having a baby would be too much for him and that he would go running back to you”  
“What? That’s crazy… The one thing Shane wanted more than me was kids” Nicky hadn’t meant to say that out loud.  
“She was just being over emotional… pregnancy hormones and everything… But she came to me and told me everything… I think Shane told her that the relationship you two had was very one-sided, that you were more invested than he was… but I think he said that to make her feel better”  
“Gina-”  
“I didn’t really know what to think because you never came to me yourself so it made me think that maybe Shane was the one who was more emotionally invested… I told myself that if it meant as much to you as Gillian seemed to think it did then you would have told me about it… But as time went by, I started to think that maybe your feelings for Shane were real and that was why you never told me”  
“I just… I never wanted to hurt you”  
“I’d like to think I would have understood but I don’t know. We were all young and confused and living very public lives… So, looking back, I do understand why you kept this to yourself… But I wish you hadn’t had to suffer alone”

Nicky reached up and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.  
“Will you read this?” he pointed towards the hand written pages. “Please?”  
“Are you sure?”  
“Yes, I… I’d like to know what you make of it… That is… if you’re comfortable with reading it”  
“If it’s what you need”  
“Yes, please”

She reached for the pages as Nicky got to his feet.  
“I’ll check on the kids and get dinner started” he said to her.  
“Wait, you want me to read it now?” she asked. “Like, right now?”  
“Please, G”  
“Okay”

Nicky kissed the top of her head as she sank down into his desk chair. He walked to the door then turned back and gave her a small smile. She nodded her head as she picked up the pages. Nicky wiped his eyes one last time then stepped out into the hall and pulled the door closed behind him.

*

Rocco and Jay were sitting at the kitchen counter with their colouring books as Nicky moved about the Kitchen. He didn’t hear the door open or his wife’s footsteps as she made her way down the hall and paused in the doorway to the Kitchen. 

“Rocco, Jay” her voice startled Nicky but her twin boys looked up at her. “Will you please go upstairs and check on your sister for me?”  
Neither one of them argued. They simply slid off the stools and left the room. Once they were out of earshot, Georgina made her way across the room towards her husband and wrapped her arms around him. He’d caught a glimpse of tears in her eyes. Nicky slid his arms around her and they held each other close for a few moments.

“I’m so sorry, Nicky” she whispered. “What are you going to do?”  
“What can I do?” he asked her. She broke their embrace and looked into his eyes.  
“Shane all but admitted he’s still in love with you”  
“Gina-”  
“And I quote ‘not a day goes by that I don’t regret my actions, knowing how much I hurt him and how I wish I could take it back, to have him in my arms again’”  
“They’re just words, G… Words he couldn’t even publish”  
“Yet he still wrote them down… Still sent them to you, he wanted you to read them”  
“He has Gillian and three children to support… I have you and three children of my own”

Georgina sighed.  
“I know you love our children, Nicky” she said to him. “But you don’t love me, not anymore”  
“That’s not true” Nicky insisted. “I will always love you, G”  
“But not the way you used to…. Feelings change, Nicky…”

They both heard the footsteps of the twins on the stairs and Georgina moved towards the counter to take over dinner preparations.  
“We can talk about this more later” she said to him. “Once the kids are in bed”  
“Gina” he began.  
“I’ll take over here, Nicky… Go colour with the boys”  
He leaned over and kissed her cheek.  
“I do love you, G”  
“I know” she smiled. “I know”

*-*

Nicky spent the next few days reading and re-reading the unpublished chapter of Shane’s book. He alternated between that and the actual published book but neither made him feel better.  
As confused as he felt, he never once reached for the phone nor did he receive any messages from Shane. The brunette had taken a big risk in sending the chapter to Nicky and he felt certain that Shane would be waiting anxiously for word from the blonde.  
He honestly didn’t know what to do. A part of him wanted to jump on the next plane and run straight to Shane yet he didn’t want to give him the wrong idea. The last thing he wanted was for Shane to think he’d been sitting around all these years just waiting for the younger lad to want him again.

The blonde was sitting at the kitchen table, alone, with the pages splayed in front of him. He simply sat there, staring as all the words merged together in one large blur. As he was reaching for one of the pages, Georgina came into the room with Gia in her arms.

“Oh Nicky” she greeted. “You’re not still…” she trailed off.  
“Still obsessed with this?” he finished. “Of course I am”  
“Have you… spoken to him?”  
“No”  
“Nicky!”

He looked up at her, an unreadable expression upon her face.  
“You can’t keep doing this to yourself” she continued. “Or to him”  
“To him?” Nicky asked. “I owe him nothing; he broke my heart, G”  
“And he put his heart and soul into this book… into that chapter alone… Nicky, he sent this to you for a reason. He wanted you to know the truth about how he felt… Imagine if the situation were reversed and you were the one sitting here, waiting to hear from him”  
“I can’t think about that”  
“Maybe you need to”

Gina shifted as Gia began to squirm in her arms.  
“You can’t just ignore this, Nicky” she said to him. “You two have such a long, complicated history”  
“And that’s what it is… History” Nicky replied.  
“Are you saying you don’t want him back?”

Nicky looked up and into the concerned eyes of his wife.  
“I don’t know what I want, G” he said honestly. “I love you and the kids”  
“No, you’re settled with me and the kids… But you’ll always have us, Nicky”  
“I know” he reached out and took her hand in his. “But how can I choose someone who’s already broken my heart once before?”  
“So you’re afraid of getting hurt again?”  
“He has a wife and three children. I can’t possibly be enough to compete with that”  
“You have a wife and three children too, yet he’s still there” she reached up and placed his hand upon his heart. “You can’t tell me that a part of you doesn’t still love him”  
The blonde squeezed his eyes shut and drew in a deep breath.  
“How can you be so calm and collected about all this?” he asked her.  
“Because I’ve known the truth for years” she replied. “I can see what you’re clearly afraid to admit”

“I can’t call him” Nicky stated. “This isn’t the kind of thing we can talk about over the phone”  
“So go see him” she said. She sounded so calm, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Take the weekend, fly to London and visit him”  
“What, just turn up on his doorstep? Want me to say hi to Gillian while I’m there?”  
“Don’t snap at me, Nicky… I’m trying to help you here”

“I’m scared, G” Nicky confessed. “I’m scared that if I see him, in person, all these feelings will come rushing back and I… I won’t be able to let him go again” tears formed in his eyes. “But I can’t watch him chose someone else over me again… I just don’t think I could take it”  
“So you’re just going to sit here for the rest of your life, just staring at these pages and wondering what could have been?”  
“I don’t know what to do, Gina, I really don’t” Nicky sighed. She stared at him, a sympathetic expression on her face.  
“I’m sorry that I can’t make this decision for you”  
“It’s not my decision I’m afraid of… I mean, what if he does feel the same way? What if… I tell him the truth and he… he says he wants to be with me… How will Gillian and the kids feel?”  
“You can’t make assumptions, Nicky… But you’ll have to make a choice at some point. I told you days ago that Shane put himself out there and you’ve not made any attempt to speak to him, he could be waiting by the phone or… Or he could take your silence as an indication that you’re over him”

Nicky shook his head, more to himself than at her words. He wasn’t sure if that’s what he wanted Shane to think or not. The blonde’s heart still bore the scars of the damage Shane had inflicted upon him all those years ago, was he ready to open up such a painful wound? But if it meant having Shane back in his life, his heart and his bed then it would be worth it, wouldn’t it?

“I think you should call or text him or something” she offered. “It’s been days… He poured his heart out in these pages and you’ve given him nothing in return. If you don’t think you could handle talking to him then at least email the poor lad. Let him know that you got his book but you need time… He’s had weeks, months even to contemplate his feelings, I mean, he wrote them all down for the world to see”  
“He never published them, G”  
“But he clearly intended to… It meant enough to him for him to write it down and it was even more important to him that you see what he wrote”  
“I have no idea what to say to him… How do I even begin a conversation like this?”

Georgina shrugged her shoulders. She reached out and placed her hand upon his shoulder, gently squeezing it. With a sympathetic expression on her face, she considered what to say to reassure him.  
“I know you’ll think of something” she said. “Maybe there’s a private joke the two of you share that you could use to break the ice? The fact that Shane’s probably been on edge for days… I think you should start with a joke”  
“What if he thinks I’m not taking this seriously?”  
She laughed very gently.  
“Sweetie, it’s you and Shane… and your feelings for each other, trust me, he’ll know you’re taking this very seriously”

She reached out and picked up his phone. It was switched off. She sighed, knowing his reasoning for keeping the phone off and handed it to him. Nicky took it from her but didn’t do anything else.  
“Call him, text him, tweet him” she said. “I don’t care what you do but if you haven’t attempted to reach out by the time I get home with the boys then I’ll call Gillian myself”

Nicky’s head shot up and he stared at her with eyes wide open.  
“Have you spoken to her?” he asked. His heart beating frantically. “Does she know about this? About the chapter and everything?”  
“I haven’t called her” Gina insisted. “I haven’t spoken to her for weeks… I don’t know what Shane has said to her and I… I didn’t want to interfere or anything so I… I was just going to wait and see how you would handle it first… But uh Shane did text me”  
“WHAT?”

He hadn’t meant to shout. Nicky leapt to his feet, staring at his wife with even more disbelief. She held her hands up in mock surrender.  
“He texted me yesterday and asked if you’d received the book” she replied. “That’s all”  
“Why didn’t you tell me?”  
“Because I didn’t want to add to your already emotional state”  
“I’m not emotional!”  
“Nicky, you’re yelling at me”  
“I don’t mean to be!”  
“I know, I’m sorry, I should have said something but I just told him that you got something but had been busy so I wasn’t sure if you’d opened it yet”

Nicky was finally beginning to calm down. Shane had obviously started to worry about his silence. The brunette must have been desperate to reach out to Georgina. He pressed the power button and waited for his phone to come on. Several moments later, he had a blank message open on the screen.

“I’ll leave you alone” she said. “I’m sorry for not saying anything yesterday”  
Nicky nodded his head, indicating that it was okay. He leaned forward and kissed her cheek before turning his attention back to the blank message. The singer had no idea what to say to Shane.  
“Good luck” she added. “Though I hope you don’t need it”

He continued to stare at the blank message as he listened to his wife move about the room, collecting her keys and handbag. Gina called goodbye as she swept out into the hall but he barely made an audible sound in response. The front door closed behind her and Nicky was left completely alone with his thoughts and his blank text message. He sat for a long time, his heart hammering in his chest and his mind jumping from one crazy scenario to another. He stared at his phone for a long time, trying to think of something clever or witty to say to break the ice. His finger hovered over the keyboard until he eventually typed a quick message and pressed send before he could change his mind.

Nicky held his breath as he anxiously waited for a response. The seconds ticked by and he suddenly felt stupid both for what he'd written and for assuming Shane was sitting by his phone still anxiously waiting for an answer to his unasked question. Suddenly he saw the familiar dots on his screen, Shane was typing a message! He stared, watching anxiously then they disappeared. Still he waited and waited and waited but nothing came through. Nicky wanted to cry until he realized the younger lad was obviously playing with him, torturing him as revenge for his silence.

'What kind of text is that?'  
The message appeared and Nicky frowned. Perhaps it had been the wrong line to quote from Frozen but it was all he could think of to explain the awkwardness of their current situation.  
'Been awhile since you've had to watch the movie, huh?' Nicky wrote back.  
'Am trying to block it out. It just makes me think about you now'  
'I'm sorry'  
'Don't be... I like thinking about you'

Nicky paused. Maybe he should call the younger lad; he was obviously on his phone right now and this felt like an actual conversation they needed to have. He would have preferred it to be in person but he feared how that would turn out, deep down he knew if he saw Shane right now all he'd want to do is kiss him and tell him that he did still love him.

'Did you open my gift?' Shane finally asked.  
"Gift?" Nicky snorted aloud. He shook his head as he tried to think about how to answer.  
'I got your book' he played it safe.  
'And?'  
'It was very... informative' he immediately kicked himself.  
'I'm sorry'

Nicky felt his heart skip a beat. Shane was sorry? Had he not really meant the things he'd written? He still didn't know what to say but he couldn't say nothing; he'd stayed silent too long already.

'Nicky?'  
Shane was obviously nervous about this whole situation. What could he possibly say to him? What did he want to say? He'd thought of nothing else for days and he still couldn't think of a dignified response.  
'I can't do this' Nicky confessed.  
'Because you don't feel the same?'  
'This isn't the type of conversation you have via text message, Shay'  
'I'm in a meeting, can I call you later?'  
'We need to talk in person'  
'But it'll be weeks before I'm in Dublin!'  
'Then it'll give us both plenty of time to think about what we want to say to each other'  
'Nicky, please?'  
'I'm turning my phone off now, bye Shane'

Nicky pressed send on the last message and immediately switched his phone off to resist sending or receiving any further texts. He sighed and shook his head; he'd bought himself a bit of time but he couldn't help thinking perhaps he should've just told Shane the truth and put them both out of their misery... assuming Shane was as miserable as he right now.

*****

He was in a foggy funk for the next few days to the point that even Jenny noticed but whenever she tried to ask him what was wrong, he either ignored her or feigned ignorance. The days turned to weeks and his mood still didn’t improve but not once did Nicky text Shane. In turn, his former band mate didn’t attempt to contact him either. One afternoon he overheard his wife on the phone to Gillian but didn’t have the nerve to ask which Gillian she was talking to, Shane’s wife or Nicky’s sister when Gina didn’t offer the information either, he simply pushed it from his mind and retreated to his home office with Shane’s book.  
Nicky had practically memorized the entire thing including the unpublished pages Shane had sent with them. Each time he read it, he found a new memory to obsess over; some made him smile, others brought him to tears. It was very slowly eating away at him and he knew he needed to talk to Shane. 

Several times, he’d found himself going online to look at the cost of airfares to fly to Shane but he always chickened out. He knew what would happen once he was reunited with Shane he’d fall into his arms and never want to leave them again. The very idea both terrified and excited him; on several occasions, Nicky had brought himself to climax with the memories from Shane’s book and a vibrator only to cry himself to sleep afterwards.  
Georgina saw what this was doing to her husband and was torn over what to do about it. She was furious at Shane for putting Nicky through all this and after speaking to Gillian she was even more irate for Shane’s wife hadn’t even been aware her husband had sent Shane a copy of his book. Gina knew her marriage had been on the rocks for some time now but she really wanted Nicky to be happy again and she wasn’t sure anymore if Shane had any intention of restoring Nicky’s happiness or if he’d just intended to make him as miserable as he clearly was himself.  
She didn’t tell Nicky any of this though for the last thing she wanted to do was hurt him more than he already was.

***

When Shane finally received his schedule of appearances, the first thing he did was search the list to see when he was being sent to Dublin and his heart skipped a beat when he saw written confirmation of Nicky’s radio show. He immediately reached for his phone to text his friend then stopped himself; Nicky would have received word by now too so perhaps he should leave the ball in his court. Shane felt he’d made himself fairly clear in the pages he’d sent his friend so he wasn’t about to start hounding him now.

Though he went through the motions as he took to the road to promote his book and his single. The more he performed the song, the more he found himself thinking about Nicky and their upcoming reunion. The day before he was set to appear on Nicky’s show, he was sitting alone in a hotel room in Dublin with his phone in his hand and ‘Frozen’ playing on the TV.  
He’d expected to have heard something from the blonde by now but he’d been met with nothing but silence. Now he was trying to decide what to do next. Should he call Nicky and invite him to the hotel to talk? He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to last the entire interview without saying something inappropriate.

In the end, he didn’t call Nicky but his wife Gillian instead. He talked to his daughter and told her that he was watching ‘Frozen’ just like he’d promised he would. It tugged at his heart; that his daughter thought he was watching the movie for her when he was really thinking about Nicky. Shane ended the phone call but didn’t make it to the end of the film before crawling into bed and crying himself to sleep.  
If things with Nicky didn’t go the way he wanted them to, he may just lose everything in his life that ever mattered to him.

*

Shane had a small entourage that accompanied him on his promotional tour and he didn’t know how he was going to shake them when he reached the studio but fortunately for him, they were all aware of his working relationship with Nicky and were more than happy to give him a few extra minutes with his friend.

The show had already started when Shane arrived and was escorted into the studio. Nicky was sitting behind the desk and looked up when Shane stepped into the room. The show was on a commercial break so they didn’t have very long but for the first few moments, all they could do was stare at each other. Shane felt an overwhelming sensation shoot through him as he longed to run to Nicky and kiss him but his former bandmate was staring at him with an unreadable expression upon his face. It was very disconcerting; he’d never not been able to tell what Nicky was thinking.

He could hear Jenny and the show’s producer, Alan, talking in the corner but he wasn’t looking at either of them; his eyes could only focus on Nicky. The blonde was playing with all the buttons on the desk and constantly adjusting his microphone. He stared, fixedly, as Nicky’s long fingers moved up and down the length of the microphone and he shifted uncomfortably in the chair as he tried not to think of those fingers touching him in intimate places.  
Shane was brought back to reality by Jenny waving her phone in front of his face. The image on the screen was of an attractive lad, smiling at the camera. Still only half paying attention, he asked the first question that came to mind.

“What’s the issue, dear?” he asked her “why are you holding back from such a man?”

Jenny immediately groaned in frustration, threw her hands up in the air in defeat. Nicky had instantly burst out laughing. Shane looked at both of them, very confused.

“Not you too” Jenny cried “Nicky’s been quoting that movie non-stop for weeks!”  
“That’s what happens when you have kids” Shane replied “but what’s so funny?” he looked at Nicky who was still grinning.  
“I’m not holding back from a man” Jenny explained “I have a girlfriend”  
“Oh” Shane felt himself blushing “sorry, I uh I didn’t uh”  
“It’s okay” she said with a wave of her hand and a smile.

Nicky was still busying himself though Jenny was now giving him an odd look, her gaze seemed to shift from Nicky to Shane and back again. For the briefest second, Shane tried not to panic, there was no way Jenny would know what was or wasn’t going on between the two of them… right? Nicky had put his headphones on and the familiar opening bars of Shane’s song started playing.

Jenny reached over and placed her hand on Shane’s.  
“Don’t look so nervous” she laughed “surely you’re an old pro at this”  
Shane simply nodded his head.  
“So, have you two got big plans for tonight?”  
“What? Plans? Did Nicky say-?”  
“Oh I just assumed the two of you would go for a drink, have a catch up for old time’s sake”  
“Right… Uh yeah, nothing’s been set in stone yet but uh hopefully”

The song began to wind down and Nicky perked up as the show went Live on the air. Shane watched him closely; a feeling of pride washed over him as he saw just how comfortable and at ease Nicky was in this environment. He let the blonde take the lead, afraid of what he may say himself but was utterly shocked when Nicky asked about Arnold. Shane played along though he quickly suspected that Nicky was enjoying this a little too much.  
He turned it around by bringing up old memories of times long ago, when Nicky had confessed wanting to interview Shane and they’d spent many drunken nights pretend interviewing each other. As he stared into his friend’s eyes, he knew Nicky was remembering the same mock interview as him; the one in which Shane had played interviewer and asked Nicky how he would feel if one of their bandmates were to drunk kiss him. Nicky hadn’t missed a beat and declared that if a certain band mate were to kiss him, he’d happily kiss him back.

They were getting into dangerous territory especially when Jenny casually mentioned ‘Shnicky’ and Shane was quick to wave it off as a fan concoction and nothing more. Nicky then reiterated how theirs had been a very brotherly love and Shane found himself staring at Nicky’s lips. He’d never felt for any of his brother’s what he felt for Nicky.

The interview remained light hearted as talk turned to Shane’s book and Nicky outright told him that he’d lied. Shane felt his heart hammering in his chest until Nicky brought up the time they’d met the Pope and he felt himself relax once again. Of course he knew he was being stupid, that Nicky wouldn’t say anything on air about anything incriminating but he was on tenterhooks. Right now, he felt like his entire future was in Nicky’s hands and the blonde didn’t even know it.

It wasn’t until the interview was over that Shane felt like he could finally breathe again. His entourage was in a hurry to escort him from the building but he couldn’t leave without talking to Nicky. When he saw the blonde heading for the bathroom, he was quick to follow and locked the door behind them.

“Nicky, please?” Shane begged “we really need to talk”  
“I have to be back on the air in six minutes” Nicky told him.  
“Nicky-”  
“I didn’t know you were going to be on until yesterday” he cut him off “and I tried so many times to call you last night but every time I picked up the phone, I just put it down again”  
“I kept doing the same… Can we talk though?”  
“Not now, Shay, I’m in the middle of a show”  
“Tonight? Can you come to the hotel? Please?”  
“I… I can try”  
“I’ll text you the details, okay?”

Nicky nodded his head in agreement. Shane reached out and grabbed hold of his hand.  
“Tonight, Nicky?” he whispered.  
“Yes, tonight, Shay” Nicky replied.

*

Nicky was a nervous bundle of energy all afternoon as he waited for evening to fall so he could see Shane again. He couldn’t stop himself from fidgeting and tried desperately to burn off some of his nerves by playing with the kids until it was time to cook dinner. By the time his wife came home, he was practically bouncing off the walls and he quickly shuffled her off to their bedroom so they could talk without the twins overhearing them.  
He told her of the awkwardness that had been lingering in the air between him and Shane at the studio and how his friend had followed him into the bathroom and all but begged him to come see him at his hotel. Nicky wasn’t worried about the message it would send to the press of him going into Shane’s hotel, back in the days of the band he would’ve been terrified of the scandal yet now that there was a possibility of them doing something they shouldn’t be, the press probably wouldn’t even notice.

Gina sat on the bed while Nicky paced back and forth across the room; he seemed to be torn over whether or not to even go to the hotel and this confused her. The past few weeks had been leading to this, Shane’s written confession and Nicky’s own admittance at never truly getting over him. She honestly wasn’t sure what was holding him back; it was written all over his face how much he missed Shane.

“I promised him that I’d see him tonight” Nicky said for the tenth time “but how do I know that’s the right thing to do? It’s wrong, isn’t it? He’s married… I’m married… He broke up with me, Gina, but he’s the one now saying he never should have let me go but if I’d stayed with him, if he hadn’t broken my heart, I wouldn’t have you or the kids and I do love you, Gina, I’ve always loved you… You were my first love, you are my first love and you’re the mother of our three beautiful kids and I wouldn’t change any of that but Shane was… He was… I really did love him” he paused for the briefest moment, wringing his hands as he spoke “but I know what will happen if I go to him tonight, I’ll take one look at him and his eyes will just send me weak at the knees and…”

Georgina stood up, walked over to her husband and took hold of both his hands. She looked up into his eyes and held his gaze in an attempt to calm him.

“No one is forcing you to go see him, Nicky” she explained calmly “but I do think you deserve some kind of closure… You need to talk to him about the things he wrote, what he was almost willing to publish in his book. He came so close to telling the world that the two of you were lovers… You obviously meant more to him than you realized”  
“If I go to him, I can’t promise I won’t sleep with him”  
“Maybe that’s something you just need to do… either as a way of reconnecting with him or as a way of saying goodbye”  
“If he tells me that he loves me, I know I won’t be strong enough to walk away”  
“Nicky” Gina reached up and placed her hands upon his shoulders as she stared into his eyes. “You’re my best friend and I will stand by you no matter what you decide”

He smiled then leaned forward and kissed her.  
“I never deserved you, G” he whispered.  
“You deserve to be happy, Nicky” she replied.

*

An hour after Nicky finally left, Gina had just put Rocco and Jay to bed when her phone began to ring. She hurried into the bedroom and frowned at the caller ID, it was Shane’s wife, Gillian. Gina nervously answered the phone.

“Hi Gillian” she greeted her.  
“Gina, uh, hi, sorry to uh bother you like this but I uh” Gillian was stammering “I uh was wondering if I could talk to Nicky”  
“You want to talk to Nicky?”  
“I’ve tried calling his phone but he’s not answering”  
“He uh he’s not here” she paused “he went out”  
“Alone?”  
“To see an old friend” Gina didn’t know why she was being coy.  
“I thought as much”

Georgina frowned, Gillian didn’t sound mad which didn’t make a lot of sense. Perhaps she was as okay with the idea of her husband cheating on her as Gina was.

“Gina, you have to talk to Nicky before he gets to Shane” she hurried to explain.  
“What? Why?”  
“There’s something he needs to know about Shane and the book and the chapters he sent him”  
“Gill, what are you-?”  
“Shane and I are getting a divorce”

*

Nicky stood outside the door to Shane’s hotel room for nearly ten minutes as he worked up the courage to knock. His hand was shaking as he raised his fist; the door opened almost instantly as though Shane had been standing on the other side, just waiting for him to knock. He stepped aside and ushered Nicky into his room, he didn’t notice Shane slip the ‘do not disturb’ sign over the knob before closing the door.  
Nicky moved into the room and nervously glanced around; not much had changed since their touring days. Shane’s suitcase was in its usual spot; clothes were strewn across the floor and several tiny bottles of alcohol from the mini-bar were empty on the bed.

“You’ve been drinking?” Nicky wished that hadn’t been the first thing he’d thought to ask.  
“I wasn’t sure if you were going to come or not” Shane admitted. Nicky swallowed nervously. “Please, make yourself comfortable, take off your jacket”

Nicky did as instructed and hung his jacket over the back of the nearest chair. He noticed Shane wasn’t wearing any shoes and contemplated kicking his own off but he wasn’t sure if he was going to stay long enough to get comfortable.

“Thank you for coming” Shane said to him in an attempt to fill the awkward silence.  
“You wanted to talk” Nicky replied “we really need to talk”  
“About my book and what I almost wrote… Nicky, I didn’t do it to be cruel or vindictive; it was never my plan to use my book as a way of outing you but as I sat down and started to really think about my life and my story, I realized that you were a huge part of it… you were by my side and in my heart for a lot of it. Choosing all these stories and memories to share with the fans, stirred up so many others and I realized just how many of my memories were linked to even happier moments with you. Practically every milestone the band had, we celebrated together. It made me think of the first time we kissed… that night in New York when I got mugged and you fussed worse than a mother hen and I just wanted to shut you up so I did the only thing I could think of and I kissed you… You were the first… only… man I’ve ever loved and I still think about what it felt like to touch you, what it felt like, tasted like to have you in my mouth”  
“Shay-”  
“I remember the first time we had sex” Shane continued “how nervous we both were and how we made up an excuse to borrow Mark’s laptop so we could raid his porn collection only to realize that neither of us were that flexible”  
“Shay-”  
“I know I hurt you, Nicky, and I never meant to but I was a selfish, ignorant, asshole. I was young and afraid of my feelings for you… I didn’t want to be gay and I hurt you”  
“Shane-”  
“We used to be best buddies and now we’re not. I wish you would tell me why”  
“You broke my heart, Shay, into a thousand pieces and I was so lucky that Gina was there to pick them up and help me put it back together, piece by piece”

Shane moved closer and reached out, took both of Nicky’s hands in his and stared into his friend’s eyes. He slowly leaned in until their lips were almost touching. Nicky could feel Shane’s breath on his skin and knew he needed to pull away, to place some distance between them but he closed his eyes, swallowed back his nerves then he felt Shane’s lips on his and he surrendered completely.  
The moment their lips touched, he was transported to a time long ago, when they were young and carefree, when their only responsibilities were to show up and sing. They didn’t have wives and kids, only each other, and would spend hours just holding and touching each other. He felt Shane’s hands leave his, one sneaked its way around his neck while the other groped the front of his jeans and he heard himself whimper.

“I’ve missed you” Shane whispered between kisses.  
“Shay-” Nicky tried to protest but he trailed off when Shane started nuzzling his neck.  
“It’s been too long. You want this too, I know you do”  
“Shane”  
“I watched you over the phone that day when you touched yourself to just my voice” his fingers started to manipulate the zip on his jeans and Shane slipped his hand into Nicky’s underwear. As his long fingers touched the naked flesh, Nicky gasped and bucked his hips into Shane’s touch “it’s okay, Nix, it’s okay to want this”

Shane’s lips sought Nicky’s and the blonde moaned as their tongues came together in an intense embrace. As Shane’s fingers worked his cock, Nicky wrapped his arm around his waist and held him close as he continued to buck his hips. 

“Shay” Nicky sobbed. “Please?”  
“Please what?”  
“Please don’t… Don’t do this… You’re married, I’m married”  
“It’s okay, we both want this” Shane assured him but he pulled away just the same and walked over to his open suitcase. Nicky watched as he rummaged for a moment and emerged with a box of condoms. “This is why you’re here, isn’t it?”  
“I came to talk” Nicky admitted “about the stuff you wrote… The phone calls and the texts you’ve been sending me lately”

Shane moved back towards Nicky and handed him the box; Nicky’s hand was shaking as he took the condoms from him. Shane was leaning closer, preparing to kiss Nicky when he suddenly dropped to his knees and yanked Nicky’s pants down to his ankles. Without missing a beat, Shane buried his face in Nicky’s underwear covered crotch and Nicky cried out in surprise. His shock was short lived as Shane was quick to lower Nicky’s underwear and take his cock into his mouth.

A low guttural growl escaped Nicky’s throat while Shane worked his quickly hardening cock with his mouth. Shane had always excelled at blowjobs and Nicky felt tears brimming in his eyes as the memories overwhelmed him. So many times they’d been in a hotel room, far away from home and missing their families, Shane would put his skilled tongue to work and within seconds Nicky would forget where they were or even his own name, all that mattered was coming deep in Shane’s throat. He was already close and Shane had barely started; he felt his cock slip from Shane’s mouth then his fingernails were teasing his length and he squeezed his eyes shut until he felt Shane’s tongue on his balls, suckling oh so gently.  
He needed to stop this before they got carried away but Nicky knew it was already too late. Nicky reached down and reluctantly pulled away from Shane’s sweet mouth then he urged him to his feet. He covered the distance between them and kissed Shane with as much passion, want and desire as ever. He didn’t think he’d ever kissed anyone as desperate and hungrily as he was kissing Shane right now. Nicky pulled him close and forcefully separated him from his shirt.

They fell onto the bed; Nicky removed his own shirt while Shane yanked off his shoes, discarded his underwear and jeans. Nicky was completely naked, vulnerable, staring up at Shane from beneath his lashes while the voice in his head that was telling him not to do this was growing softer and softer. He parted his legs and Shane was quick to climb on top of him, covering his naked body with his still partially clothed one. Shane’s jeans were rough against Nicky’s erection and they both groaned at the stimulation.  
Shane’s mouth claimed Nicky’s and he completely dominated the kiss. Nicky’s heart was hammering in his chest as he reached down to unzip Shane’s pants. He shoved them down and a nervous shiver passed down his spine at the knowledge that Shane wasn’t wearing any underwear.

Their naked bodies came together; Shane’s cock bumped against Nicky’s and they both whimpered in delight. Memories stirred for both of them as tears formed in Nicky’s eyes. It had been so long since they’d been together like this; Shane had ended it so abruptly that Nicky hadn’t the chance to savour their last time in each other’s arms. 

“Make love to me, Shay” Nicky whispered in his ear. “Please?”

Shane pulled away long enough to locate the discarded box of condoms then he checked the pocket of his jeans for the lube. Neither of them said a word as Shane coated his index and middle fingers; he leaned over and kissed Nicky’s lips. He was about to tease the tight ring of muscles when he stopped and stared into those deep blue eyes.

“Do you still finger yourself, Nix?” Shane whispered before he slipped two fingers inside him and Nicky whimpered into their kiss.  
“Sometimes” Nicky panted as Shane’s fingers teased him.  
“I loved watching you finger yourself”  
“Loved being impaled on your cock”  
“Such filthy words from that pretty mouth of yours, Nicky”

A third finger caused Nicky to cry out and he fisted the sheets. It was one thing to finger yourself or play with a vibrator but nothing could compare to the way Shane used to work him, he was like putty in Shane’s hands. Nicky whimpered and panted and made many other sounds he’d be embarrassed to make but Shane loved every gasp and moan that escaped Nicky’s lips. His hand still inside Nicky, Shane reached for a condom with the other and used his teeth to rip the packaging open. He slipped the condom over his hard cock and extracted his fingers; Nicky sobbed as Shane’s fingers left him feeling empty but a moment later, Shane was towering over him. He leaned down, his lips so close to Nicky’s ear.

“I’m right out here for you” Shane sang in a whisper “just let me in”  
“Oh look, I’m about to be impaled” Nicky replied with a smirk.

Shane’s hand found Nicky’s and their fingers entwined as Shane slipped his cock deep inside Nicky’s body. They both cried out in unison; it took some time for their bodies to adjust to being together again but before long, their lips had come together and they were moving as one. Nicky’s cock was trapped between their bodies and the friction of their lovemaking brought him closer and closer to the brink.  
Their kisses became slow and tender as they rocked against each other; Nicky had missed being held and loved by Shane. He was very aware of his fingers entwining with Shane’s, the way the band of his wedding ring knocked against Shane’s. The light in the room seemed to reflect off Shane’s wedding ring and he tried not to stare but it was difficult. Their movements were gentle yet passionate as they kissed and touched each other. Nicky’s eyes filled with tears but he valiantly blinked them back.

Nicky wrapped his legs around Shane’s body and pulled him close, they shared a deep kiss and Nicky rolled them over so he was now on top, straddling Shane beneath his thighs. He increased the pace, giggling playfully as he bounced up and down on Shane’s cock.

“I used to like it rough too, remember?” Nicky asked him with a twinkle in his eye.  
“How could I ever forget?” Shane replied.  
“Do me a favour, grab my butt”

He grasped Nicky’s ass cheek and squeezed then let Nicky have his fun for a few more minutes before easing him off his cock. They both knew what the other was thinking and each climbed to their feet. Nicky turned around and climbed back onto the bed, his ass up in the air. Shane positioned himself behind him then he eased his cock back inside Nicky and really started to pound into him.  
Nicky whimpered with delight as Shane’s hand grasped his cock and started working him in sync with his hard, rough thrusts.

“Shane!” Nicky panted “Oh God, Shane! Too much, I’m gonna… Gonna…”  
“Fuck, Nicky” Shane groaned “come for me, Nix, come all over my hand”

Nicky squeezed his eyes closed and cried out, loudly, incoherently, as he shot his load all over Shane’s fingers that were still working him. His muscles clenched around Shane’s cock and he too came. He pulled Nicky up to meet him in a deep kiss. The angle was awkward but the kiss was everything. Shane pulled free of Nicky’s ass and removed the used condom while Nicky climbed onto the bed and lie on his back, panting for breath.  
Shane joined him a moment later and immediately set about using his tongue to clean Nicky’s come from his body. Nicky was too spent to stop him; he simply lay on the bed, giggling as Shane’s tongue teased him. He reached down, placed his hand under Shane’s chin and urged him up to meet him in a deep kiss. Tasting himself in Shane’s mouth was yet another thing he’d missed.

He was going to suggest a shower to get themselves cleaned up but he was too exhausted to move so Nicky reached for the light and turned it off, plunging the room into darkness. Shane wrapped his arms around Nicky and held him close; placing gentle kisses to his cheek, neck and forehead until he nodded off to sleep. Despite being tired, Nicky didn’t fall asleep straight away. He’d come here tonight to talk to Shane and the one thing they hadn’t done was talk. 

*

Nicky awoke very early the following morning to find the bed next to him empty. He sat up, looking around fearfully, but quickly spotted Shane sitting at the foot of the bed; he stared at his back for a moment, wondering what he was doing there then he saw the television screen over his shoulder.

“Shay?” he whispered. “Why are you watching that?”  
“Couldn’t sleep” Shane replied, his back still to Nicky.  
“So you’re torturing yourself?”  
“It’s not torture, it’s beautiful”  
“How can you possibly say that?”  
He finally turned around and smiled at him.  
“It made us re-connect” Shane confessed “do you really think you’d be here now if it hadn’t?”

Nicky didn’t know what to say to that; he slowly climbed out from under the sheets and made his way around the bed towards his naked friend. The only light in room was coming from the television; Nicky moved slowly, quietly, nearer to Shane but his eyes stayed on the screen, watching the early scene of the film.  
He paused beside him then placed his hand upon Shane’s neck, urging him to look up and meet his gaze. Nicky leaned down and captured Shane’s lips in a tender yet forceful kiss. Neither of them spoke as the blonde climbed into Shane’s lap, straddling his thighs and wrapping his legs around his body. 

Shane looked into Nicky’s eyes as the older boy mimed the words being spoked on screen.  
“We only have each other, it’s just you and me” he whispered. “What are we gonna do?”  
“Do you wanna build a snowman?”

With only the light of the television to guide them, Shane lay back down and pulled Nicky with him. They exchanged slow, gentle kisses for a long time while the sound of the movie played in the background. As Anna started to sing about Love being an open door, Nicky opened his legs and welcomed first Shane’s fingers then his cock inside him as they once again made slow, tender love. Shane didn’t use a condom, Nicky didn’t ask him to but once they were finished and Shane had finally drifted off to sleep, Nicky spent a long time in the shower trying to wash away the traces of their lovemaking and his own guilt.

***

Nicky slipped out of the hotel in the early hours, feeling like he was doing a walk of shame. He walked down the street in the hopes of finding a taxi but was eventually forced to find a taxi rink. Nicky gave the driver his address and made no attempt to make small talk with him. He paid, gave a very generous tip, and climbed out if the car. As he walked up the drive, he stopped and admired him home. The house he’d lived in for many years was already full of so many memories and held the promise of so many more to come.  
He continued up the walk and unlocked the front door. Once inside he immediately went upstairs and into Gia’s room where his daughter was sleeping peacefully in her crib. He watched her for several moments before moving into the twins’ room. Rocco had kicked the sheets off during the night and Jay was sleeping with his head at the foot of the bed. Nicky smiled at his kids before making his way into the master bedroom where his wife was sitting up in bed.

“Gina” Nicky greeted her “please tell me you haven’t been up all night”  
“I haven’t” she told him “my phone told me the alarm had been triggered when you came in the front door”  
She held her phone up for him to see.  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you” 

Nicky dragged his feet as he crossed the room. He kicked off his shoes and climbed onto the bed.  
“How did it go with Shane?” she asked him. He looked up at her with tears in his eyes. “That bad, huh?”  
He reached out and took her hand in his, ran his finger across the band of her wedding ring.

“I had sex with him” Nicky admitted.  
“Of course you did”  
“Twice”  
“Oh Nicky”  
“I told myself I was just going to talk to him” he told her “I had so many questions I wanted to ask but as soon as I saw him and he kissed me… They all just vanished and suddenly I was twenty three years old again and I was in his arms, in his bed and making love to him like nothing had changed”  
“What happened afterwards?”  
“We fell asleep, woke up, had sex again, Shane fell asleep and I left”  
“Nicky!”

“I had a lot of time to think, G” Nicky explained “I couldn’t take my eyes off his wedding ring and I felt so guilty for what I was doing to you and the kids and to Gillian and his kids. For the longest time, I was mad at him and I was hurting because he hurt me. I used to tell myself that he was the one that got away, that I obviously cared for him a lot more than he ever cared for me because I never would have done to him what he did to me but seeing him again, being with him last night, made me realize how wrong I’d been”  
He looked up at her and held her gaze.  
“You were the best thing that ever happened to me, not him. You were there for me when he broke me even though you didn’t know it at the time. I was a mess but I couldn’t tell anyone and had to suffer the pain and heartache all on my own but you were always there, the shoulder I needed to cry on even when I wouldn’t let myself cry. You were my rock, you always have been… You and the kids are everything to me and I nearly threw it all away… For what? Being with Shane again was like a dream, a fantasy; the chance to have that one last time together. I thought confronting him about the things he wrote would give me closure but it wasn’t just the book”  
Nicky took a deep breath.  
“Shane had always been the one calling the shots; he was in complete control of our relationship back then. We had sex when he wanted it, I let myself get carried away because of my feelings for him… and I didn’t notice at the time but he was doing it again. He started texting and calling me and… manipulating me into sexting and video calls where he’d say things to me to get me to touch myself and… I fell for it… But last night, I knew I had to walk away before he could hurt me again. He was reeling me back in but he never truly wanted me… he always wanted to be straight”

“What exactly are you saying, Nicky?”  
“If he truly meant the things he’d said in the pages of his book” he continued “he wouldn’t have sent them directly to me, he would have published it and outed both of us. Destroyed both our marriages so we could finally be together, just the two of us… But he’d never do that because he’d never want to risk losing Gillian and the kids and being all alone”

“You were willing to walk away from me and the kids to be with him. Weren’t you?” Gina asked him.  
“I thought our marriage was over” Nicky confessed “I thought I was losing you but I realized it was because I never fully committed to you, a part of me was always holding onto my feelings for him”  
“What if Shane had been willing to give up his family for you?”  
“Shane wouldn’t do that, G. Shane would never give up on them unless he was one hundred percent certain that…” he trailed off as it all came together in his mind. Everything finally made sense and fell into place. “Oh God! Oh God, Gina! Is that what happened?” 

She reached out and placed her hand on her husband’s knee.  
“Gillian called me last night” she said “I tried to call you but your phone was off”  
“What did she say?”  
“She wanted you to know the truth. They’re getting divorced” Nicky’s face fell “it’s been in the works for a long time but when Shane’s financial troubles became such public knowledge, Gillian said she couldn’t leave him from fear of the public thinking she only loved him for his money and so she stayed while he tried to get back up on his feet and he wrote his book”  
“He knew she was going to leave him so he wanted to make sure I would leave you and go running back to him”  
Georgina nodded her head in agreement; they had been Gillian’s exact words.

“You know it’s not too late” Gina said to him. “If you do still love him and do want to go back to him”  
“Go back to someone who broke my heart then only tried to win me back as a last resort you mean?” Nicky asked.  
“I know you loved him, Nicky”  
“I got my closure last night, G”

“And what about Shane?” she asked “you said you didn’t talk at all? About any of this?”  
“Shane made his choice years ago” Nicky replied “you can’t change the past… Though I’m hoping and praying you’ll forgive me, again, for straying. I love you, G, and I don’t want to lose you or the kids”  
“I was the one who told you to hear him out, to go see him, I fell for the same words he wrote and I believed his feelings were genuine so I can’t exactly blame you for following my advice”  
“I love you” Nicky leaned over and kissed her.  
“But what are you going to do about Shane?”

**-**

When Shane awoke the following morning, he was shocked to find the bed empty beside him. He hurried into the bathroom but it too was empty. Nicky was gone and hadn’t even left a note. He picked up his phone and switched it on only to have a burst of notifications of news articles that mentioned his name and/or Westlife. He clicked on a link and saw the headline but the only words that registered were ‘Former Westlife star’ and ‘divorce’ so he scrolled through the article, wondering why Nicky hadn’t mentioned anything about it the previous night… Not that he and Nicky had talked much at all.  
He looked again when he realized the article wasn’t about Nicky and Georgina but himself and Gillian. She had told him she would be filing the paperwork any day now so it couldn’t really have been that big a surprise to him but it would have been an easier blow had Nicky still been here to ease his pain. 

Then another thought hit him and he sank down onto the bed. Nicky wasn’t here… Was it possible he’d seen the article and gone home to talk to Gina? No, Nicky had come to him last night and they’d made love into the early hours of the morning. Nicky had chosen him, just like Shane knew he would.

He reached for his phone again and saw one unread message from Nicky. His heart was hammering in his chest as he wondered what kind of loving message Nicky had sent him.  
‘Oh Shane, if only there was someone out there who loved you’

The screen became blurred under his tear filled eyes and the phone slipped from his fingers as he curled up on the bed, hugged his knees to his chest and cried. He’d lost his wife, his kids and now Nicky too.

“What am I gonna do?” he whispered to himself as tears rolled down his cheeks. “Do you wanna build a snowman?”


End file.
